Cecily Zamora
Dating your cousin-in-law is a complex issue that has sparked debates and raised questions about what constitutes acceptable relationships within a family. A cousin-in-law is not a blood relative, but rather the spouse of one's biological cousin or the biological cousin of one's spouse. This means that dating your cousin-in-law does not involve any biological relation, and some may see no issue with it. However, others may find it unusual or uncomfortable due to the familial connection. Navigating these relationships can be tricky, and it is important to consider the potential impact on family dynamics and gatherings, especially if relationships were to change or end.
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What You'll Learn
Is it socially acceptable to date your cousin-in-law?
Dating your cousin-in-law is not illegal, but it may be considered socially unacceptable by some. While it is true that cousin marriage was legal in all US states before the Civil War, prohibitions were introduced in the 1800s to maintain social order, uphold religious morality, and safeguard the creation of fit offspring. By the 1870s, writers were extolling the benefits of marriages between unrelated persons and the necessity of avoiding the evils of consanguineous marriage. This led to thirteen states and territories passing cousin marriage prohibitions by the 1880s. Today, some US states continue to prohibit cousin marriage, while others recognize cousin marriages performed in other states.
The social acceptability of dating your cousin-in-law may vary depending on cultural and religious norms. For example, cousin marriage is an acceptable form of marriage among some cultural groups, such as the Hmong and Somali communities in Minnesota. On the other hand, some people may view dating your cousin-in-law as incestuous or akin to marrying a sibling, which is generally considered taboo in Western culture.
It is important to note that the social acceptability of dating your cousin-in-law may also depend on the degree of consanguinity. For example, dating a first or second cousin may be seen as more socially unacceptable than dating a third or fourth cousin, as the genetic risk factors increase with closer relations. Additionally, some people may be creeped out by the idea of dating a cousin-in-law, even if there is no blood relation.
Ultimately, the decision to date your cousin-in-law depends on personal and cultural beliefs, as well as the potential impact on family dynamics. While it may not be illegal, it is essential to consider the potential social and familial repercussions of such a relationship.
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What is a cousin-in-law?
A cousin-in-law is a relation on your family tree—the person married to your cousin. While there is no legal reason behind the name, they are related to you through your cousin. They are not a blood relation, but their children will be your first cousins once removed. Your cousins' children would be second cousins to your children. Their children are part of the same generation as you but with an additional generation between you and your common ancestor.
The term "cousin-in-law" is considered ambiguous by some because "once removed" can mean either up or down a generation. For example, "my cousin's spouse" or "my father/mother's cousin's spouse." In general, only your spouse's immediate family is considered in-laws. However, "cousin-in-law" is a more accurate description from a genealogical point of view, and it is more direct and commonly understood than alternatives like "my grandparents' daughter/son-in-law."
Some people may simply refer to their cousin-in-law as their "cousin," or their "cousin's wife/husband." However, this can be confusing, as cousins can also refer to blood relatives. English does not have precise terms for these distant familial relationships, so you may need to be annoyingly precise by spelling out the relationship each time.
Dating your cousin-in-law is not illegal, as you are not blood-related. However, it may be considered socially unusual or awkward, especially if the relationship ends and you are still expected to attend family gatherings together.
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Are you blood-related to your cousin-in-law?
A cousin-in-law is the spouse of your cousin or your spouse's cousin. In other words, your cousin-in-law is the person who becomes your relative by marriage, not by blood. This means that you are not blood-related to your cousin-in-law.
To be blood-related to someone means that you share a common ancestor with them, such as a grandparent or great-grandparent. A blood relative is a person who is related to another by blood or ancestry. This includes a person's siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. However, a person's spouse or in-laws are not considered blood relatives because they are related by marriage, not by blood.
First cousins share a grandparent, either maternal or paternal. The children of your uncles and aunts are your first cousins. You can also be half-first cousins, which means you share only one grandparent. Second cousins share the same great-grandparents, either on your mother's or father's side. The amount of genetic material you share with your cousins varies depending on how closely you are related. For example, your first cousin shares 12.5% of your autosomal DNA, while your second cousin shares 3.125%.
Therefore, since your cousin-in-law is related to you by marriage only, you are not blood-related to them. However, it is worth noting that some people may still consider it weird to date their cousin-in-law, as they are still considered a part of the family. Additionally, it is important to consider the potential complications that could arise if your cousin's relationship and your relationship with their in-law were to head in different directions.
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How do you refer to a cousin-in-law?
The term "cousin-in-law" can refer to two distinct relationships. The first is the spouse of one's biological cousin, and the second is the biological cousin of one's spouse. This term describes the relationship between non-blood relatives, as a cousin's spouse is not related to you by DNA or blood.
While the term "cousin-in-law" is technically accurate, it is not commonly used. Instead, people tend to refer to their "cousin's wife" or "cousin's husband" or simply "cousin". However, this can be confusing, as the term "cousin" is typically used for blood relatives. Therefore, it may be necessary to clarify the relationship by saying "my cousin's spouse" or "my spouse's cousin".
The level of closeness between you and your cousin-in-law will likely depend on the relationship between you and your cousin. If you see each other often, you may develop a friendship, and your children can grow up knowing each other.
In some cultures and languages, there are specific terms for distant familial relationships. For example, in Hebrew, "mishpocheh" means "family" and is used in the context of in-laws. However, in English, there is no widely accepted term for this relationship outside of "cousin-in-law", "cousin's spouse", or simply "cousin".
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What are the implications of marrying your cousin-in-law?
Marrying one's cousin-in-law is not illegal in most places, as it does not constitute incest because the two people involved are not blood relatives. However, some social and cultural implications may arise from such a union.
In some cultures, cousin marriage has been practised for various reasons, including preserving cultural values, maintaining family structure, and strengthening family ties. In ancient China, for example, there is evidence of clans that arranged marriages exclusively with members of another clan. Cousin marriage has also been allowed throughout the Middle East for all recorded history. However, in other cultures and periods, cousin marriage has been prohibited or discouraged. In the United States, 30 out of 50 states ban first-cousin marriage, and it is criminalized in eight states.
If you are considering marrying your cousin-in-law, it is essential to be aware of the potential health risks associated with cousin marriages. Studies have shown that children of first-cousin marriages have a 4-6% risk of autosomal recessive genetic disorders, compared to 3% for children of unrelated parents. This has been a primary concern for opponents of cousin marriage, who argue that it poses a significant health risk to any offspring. However, some studies have cast doubt on the magnitude of the health risk assumed.
Additionally, marrying your cousin-in-law may lead to complex family dynamics and social stigma. As mentioned in a Reddit post, you may need to navigate potentially awkward family gatherings if your relationship with your cousin-in-law ends. Social perceptions of cousin marriage vary, and while some may view it as discriminatory to prohibit such unions, others may appeal to moral or ethical arguments against it. It is essential to consider the potential impact on your relationships with family and friends and how they may perceive such a union.
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Frequently asked questions
Yes, it is legal to date your cousin-in-law as they are not blood-related to you. Your cousin-in-law is either the spouse of your biological cousin or the biological cousin of your spouse.
It is socially acceptable to date your cousin-in-law as they are not considered a "close relative". However, some people may find it weird.
One consideration before dating your cousin-in-law is how to navigate family gatherings if your relationship with your cousin-in-law ends. Another is to consider how your cousin, who is married to your cousin-in-law, may feel about your relationship.
