Cecily Zamora
Traditionally, close friends, cousins, aunts, sisters-in-law, or co-workers of the mother-to-be hosted baby showers. However, it is now considered appropriate for anyone to host a baby shower, as long as there is a legitimate reason. For example, if the mother-to-be lives away from her hometown, her mother-in-law may want to host a shower so that long-time friends can attend. Formal etiquette suggests that a close family member of the parents-to-be should not host a baby shower to avoid the appearance that the family simply wants to collect gifts. However, this rule is now considered outdated, and it is not uncommon for a mother-in-law to host a baby shower for her daughter-in-law.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Who can host a baby shower? | Close friends, cousins, aunts, sisters-in-law, or co-workers of the mother-to-be. |
| Who shouldn't host a baby shower? | Immediate family members of the honoree or husband. |
| Who can be an exception? | A sister, mother-in-law, or the guest of honour's mother if the mother-to-be lives away from her hometown. |
| Who should never host a baby shower? | The person having the baby. |
| Who can host a wedding shower? | N/A |
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What You'll Learn
Baby shower hosting etiquette
Baby showers are a time to celebrate the upcoming arrival of a new child and to give gifts to the parents-to-be. Traditionally, close friends, cousins, aunts, sisters-in-law, or co-workers of the mother-to-be hosted baby showers. However, today, it is considered appropriate for anyone to host a baby shower, as long as there is a legitimate reason.
- The host typically pays for the baby shower expenses. However, co-hosting with others is a great way to split the costs and planning responsibilities.
- Baby showers usually occur during the third trimester, around four to eight weeks before the due date. This timing gives the expecting parents enough time to prepare the nursery and purchase any remaining items.
- Etiquette dictates that invitations are sent four to six weeks before the baby shower. Sending invitations too early may cause guests to forget, while sending them too late may not give guests enough time to prepare.
- As the host, it is essential to include a note on the invitations informing guests about the baby registry. This way, guests know where the expecting parents are registered and can choose gifts accordingly.
- While there are no strict rules, it is generally considered impolite for the parents-to-be to throw their own baby shower. Doing so may be perceived as asking for gifts. However, if no one is available or the parents-to-be prefer to host themselves, it is acceptable to do so.
- As a host, it is considerate to keep the budget and comfort level of the expecting parents in mind when discussing the guest list.
- The baby shower should focus on creating a positive and encouraging atmosphere for the guests of honour. Lighthearted conversations and well-wishes are encouraged.
- It is good etiquette for guests to bring a small gift for the host to show their appreciation for hosting the shower.
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Mother-in-law as a hostess
It is generally considered outdated for a mother-in-law to host a baby shower for her daughter-in-law. This is because showers are gift-giving events, and having a member of the honoree's immediate family host could be seen as self-serving. However, this etiquette rule is becoming less common, and it is now often considered acceptable for a mother-in-law to host a baby shower under certain conditions. For example, if the daughter-in-law lives away from her hometown, her mother-in-law may want to host a shower so that long-time friends can join the celebration.
If the mother-in-law is the hostess, she should contribute to the baby shower, whether that be with her time or money. It is the hostess's responsibility to cover any expenses associated with hosting the baby shower. If the mother-in-law is a guest, her only job is to show up with a gift and be supportive of the mother-to-be.
In the case of a wedding shower, it is also unlikely that the mother-in-law will be the hostess, as the bride will not be in attendance. Instead, the event should be called a 'celebration' to avoid the implication that the bride will be present.
If you are the mother-in-law and you want to host a baby or wedding shower for your daughter-in-law, it is important to communicate with her first to ensure she is comfortable with the idea. It is also worth considering the potential for any negative impact on your relationship with your daughter-in-law and other family members.
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Wedding shower for daughter-in-law
Planning a wedding shower for your daughter-in-law is a thoughtful way to celebrate your son's wedding and welcome his partner into your family. Here are some tips to help you create a memorable and meaningful event:
Involving the Bride
If possible, involve your daughter-in-law in the planning process. This will ensure that the shower aligns with her tastes and interests, and it can also be a great opportunity for the two of you to bond. If she doesn't live in the same state as you, consider sending her a thoughtful message or giving her a call to discuss your ideas and get her input.
Choosing a Theme or Style
Opt for a theme or style that reflects your daughter-in-law's personality and interests. This could be anything from a elegant and traditional shower to a more unique and quirky theme that matches her hobbies or passions. Involving her in this decision will ensure she feels celebrated and appreciated.
Guest List and Invitations
Collaborate with your daughter-in-law or your son to create a guest list that includes her friends and family, as well as yours. This will create a warm and inclusive atmosphere. When it comes to sending out invitations, it's advisable to handle this task yourself or enlist the help of a close friend or relative. This will relieve your daughter-in-law of any potential burden, especially if she doesn't live nearby.
Venue and Decorations
Choose a venue that suits the theme and guest list size. It could be your home, a rented space, or even a lovely outdoor area. Decorate the venue with care, incorporating your daughter-in-law's favourite colours, flowers, or any other decorative elements that reflect her style.
Food and Entertainment
Offer a variety of delicious food and beverages that you think your daughter-in-law and the guests will enjoy. Consider including some of her favourite treats or dishes. For entertainment, plan a mix of activities and games that will engage the guests and honour the bride. This could include lighthearted activities, such as sharing stories or memories about the bride, or more interactive games and icebreakers.
Gifts and Sentimental Touches
If you'd like to present your daughter-in-law with a gift, consider something thoughtful and personalised. This could be a keepsake box containing mementos from your son's childhood, as mentioned in one source, or something else that symbolises the joining of your families. Additionally, encourage guests to bring gifts if they wish, and create a designated area for gift unwrapping during the shower.
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Co-ed baby showers
Planning a co-ed baby shower involves creating an inclusive atmosphere with activities, menus, and gifts that cater to both parents and their guests. While traditional baby showers often include games, food, and presents focused solely on the mother-to-be, co-ed showers offer a more diverse and engaging experience for all attendees.
When it comes to games and activities, there are plenty of options to choose from that will entertain both men and women. For instance, you can organise partner games such as trivia about the parents, diaper-changing races, or a fun guessing game where guests decide who the baby will resemble. You can also set up casual lawn games or a friendly competition of pacifier beer pong. Don't forget to offer prizes for the winners, such as gift cards, self-care items, or sweet treats!
The menu for a co-ed baby shower can be just as diverse as the guest list. Consider offering a variety of food and drinks options, from catered meals to barbecue, to satisfy everyone's tastes. And instead of having the mom-to-be open gifts for hours, encourage guests to bring gifts that celebrate the baby's arrival and the new chapter in the parents' lives.
Whether it's held at a winery, outdoors, or in a more intimate setting, a co-ed baby shower is a wonderful way to bring everyone together and celebrate the upcoming joy that a new baby will bring.
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Virtual baby showers
While traditionally, close friends, cousins, aunts, sisters-in-law, or co-workers of the mother-to-be hosted baby showers, today it is appropriate for anyone to host a baby shower, as long as there's a legitimate reason. For example, if the mother-in-law is hosting, she should contribute her time or money. If she is a guest, her role is simply to show up with a gift and be supportive.
- Send online invitations with all the virtual information and ask guests to RSVP in plenty of time, especially if you are planning to send them a "Baby Shower in a Box" with treats, decorations, and games.
- Send a reminder the day before the event with the Zoom link.
- Keep the group small and intimate.
- Have a 15-minute "troubleshooting" time before the shower starts to help guests who are unfamiliar with video calls.
- Send out an itinerary with the invitation so people know what to expect.
- Play games! For example, trivia via a PowerPoint presentation, scavenger hunts, or guessing nursery rhymes from emoji combos.
- Send guests some decorations, like hats or glasses, to get them in the party mood.
- Send a reminder to guests to chill their champagne for the party.
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Frequently asked questions
Yes, you can host your daughter-in-law's bridal shower. Traditionally, it was considered poor etiquette for immediate family members to host, as it could be seen as asking for gifts. However, this tradition has evolved, and some experts now agree that it is acceptable for mothers-in-law to host.
If you are hosting, your daughter-in-law should have the majority of the say when it comes to the guest list. You could invite a couple of your own friends, but inviting a large number might overwhelm the party and take away from your gesture.
Bridal showers can range from a meticulously planned brunch to a low-key backyard get-together. You could serve food and drinks that fit within a colour scheme, such as mini wine bottles or white chocolate-dipped strawberries with sprinkles.
You could order a set of shower games from Amazon, which often includes "Advice for the Bride" cards. You could also create a sign that says "Advice and Wishes for the Mr. and Mrs." and set it up with pencils for guests to leave words of wisdom.
It is important to involve the bride in some of the planning by asking her preferences, themes, needs, and special requests. However, be careful not to let her micromanage the event. Be mindful of your budget, as there may be other occasions for gifts before the wedding.
