A Complex Web: Marrying Your Mother-In-Law

can son marry his mother law

It is understandable for a mother to feel anxious about her son's marriage and the potential impact on their relationship. While some mothers may worry about losing their sons to their new wives, others may view their future daughters-in-law as a threat. This complex dynamic is often portrayed in popular culture, such as the TV show How I Met Your Mother, where Lily's father dates Marshall's mother, and in The Over-Correction, Marshall and Lily's parents date each other. In reality, the topic of a son marrying his mother-in-law is a sensitive and complex issue that involves cultural, religious, and ethical considerations. For example, in Islam, a father can marry his son's mother-in-law or sister-in-law if she is widowed or divorced, according to Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi.

Characteristics Values
Can a son marry his mother-in-law? No
Can a father marry his son's mother-in-law? Yes, if she is widowed or divorced
Can co-parents-in-law marry? Yes, if they are not blood relatives

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In Islam, it is not prohibited for a father to marry his son's mother-in-law

In the Islamic faith, it is generally prohibited for a father to marry his son's wife, as mentioned in the Quran: "Prohibited for you are.....the wives of your sons from your loins" (Nisaa 4/23). However, this religious restriction does not extend to a father marrying his son's mother-in-law or sister-in-law. This means that a man can marry his son's wife's mother without violating Islamic teachings.

This scenario is addressed in a question posed to TheMufti.com, a fatwa portal managed by Mufti Ismaeel Bassa from South Africa. The question involves a widowed man with five sons and one daughter, who accompanies his son to India for an arranged marriage. While his son marries the younger daughter of the house, the widowed father wishes to marry the elder daughter. Islamic scholars confirm that this arrangement is permissible under Islamic law, as the father is not marrying his son's wife.

Additionally, according to Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, it is permissible for a husband's father to marry his son's mother-in-law if she is widowed or divorced. This situation is further clarified by the rule of Mahram, which states that a wife is Mahram for her father-in-law, but not for his sons, and a husband is Mahram for his mother-in-law but not for her other daughters. This rule underscores the unique relationship and permissions between a father-in-law and his daughter-in-law's mother.

It is important to note that cultural and regional interpretations of Islamic law may vary, and individual circumstances can also influence the perception of such marriages. While the religious texts provide a framework, societal norms and personal beliefs may play a role in how these relationships are viewed within the broader Muslim community. Nonetheless, the fundamental principle remains that a father marrying his son's mother-in-law is not prohibited in Islam.

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In the US, co-parents-in-law can marry

In the United States, there are no federal laws prohibiting co-parents-in-law from marrying. This means that a husband's father and a wife's mother can marry each other, even if their respective children are already married, as their marriage would not be within the same family bloodline. This is because most familial marriage laws are based on blood relations and genetic relationships, rather than legal marriage status.

However, it is important to note that marriage laws can vary by state in the US, and each area has different requirements and legalities. For example, in 2018, child marriage was banned in all 50 states, but since then, 10 states have reintroduced it. Therefore, it is advisable to check with your local county clerk to confirm the specific marriage laws in your state.

The concept of co-parents-in-law marrying has been portrayed in popular culture, such as in the TV show "How I Met Your Mother," where Lily's dad dates Marshall's mom, and in "The Simpsons" episode "Lady Bouvier's Lover," where Marge's mom dates Homer's dad. These portrayals often carry a comedic or "squick" factor due to the idea of family romantic relations and elderly parents discussing sexual relationships.

While there may be no legal prohibition against co-parents-in-law marrying in the US, social and cultural norms may influence how such relationships are perceived. Some may find it uncomfortable or unacceptable for co-parents-in-law to marry, especially if their respective children grew up together, as it could create a perception of incest or genetic concerns, even though the relationship is not biologically related.

In summary, while there is no federal prohibition in the US, specific state laws and social norms may impact the acceptance and legality of co-parents-in-law marriages. It is always advisable to consult local authorities or legal professionals for accurate and up-to-date information regarding marriage laws in your specific state or county.

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Mothers of sons often worry about losing their son to his new wife

It is natural for mothers of sons to worry about losing their son to his new wife. This is a common concern, and it is important to acknowledge that the dynamic between a mother and son will inevitably change once he gets married. The fear of losing a son to another woman is a stereotype that many mothers struggle with, and it is often referred to as "the other woman" or the "overbearing mother-in-law".

However, it is crucial to remember that a son getting married does not mean he is being "taken away" or "lost". Instead, it is an opportunity for the mother-son relationship to evolve and adapt to new circumstances. Mothers can maintain a close bond with their sons even after they get married by respecting his new spouse, giving them space, and finding common ground with the daughter-in-law. It is also important to respect your son's choices and allow him to build a life with his partner.

That being said, it is understandable that some mothers worry about their sons drifting apart or changing after marriage. This is a valid concern, and it can be challenging to navigate the new family dynamics. Open communication, empathy, and understanding can help mothers and sons maintain their bond while also making room for the son's new family.

Additionally, it is worth noting that a son's marriage can also bring new opportunities for connection and shared experiences. For example, mothers can develop new traditions or rituals with their daughters-in-law, such as exchanging recipes or sharing hobbies. This can help foster a positive and supportive relationship between the two women in a man's life, which can ultimately benefit the son as well.

In conclusion, while it is normal for mothers of sons to worry about losing their son to his new wife, it is important to remember that this does not have to be a negative or competitive dynamic. By embracing the changes, respecting boundaries, and fostering positive relationships, mothers can maintain a close bond with their sons even after they get married.

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A mother-in-law may be seen as a threat by the bride-to-be

It is not illegal for a man to marry his son's mother-in-law. However, it is not uncommon for mothers-in-law to be seen as a threat by their sons' brides. This could be due to several reasons, including the mother-in-law's desire to be involved in the wedding planning process and decision-making, as well as the potential lack of respect and consideration for the bride's wishes.

A bride-to-be may feel threatened by her future mother-in-law's over-excitement and pushiness during the wedding planning process. In some cases, the mother-in-law may try to take control of the decision-making, ignoring the couple's wishes and preferences. This can lead to added stress and tension during an already stressful time.

Additionally, some mothers-in-law may try to insert themselves into the wedding ceremony itself, literally trying to "take the bride's spot" at the altar. This can be seen as a lack of respect for the bride and her place in the wedding ceremony. In some cases, the mother-in-law's behavior may be driven by a desire to be the center of attention or to maintain a certain level of control over her son's life.

Furthermore, the dynamic between a bride and her mother-in-law can be complex, especially if the mother-in-law has been meddlesome in her son's life in the past. The bride may feel that her freedom to make her own choices is threatened, especially if the mother-in-law's demands clash with the couple's plans and vision for their wedding. This can lead to increased stress and tension in the relationship between the bride and her mother-in-law, even before the wedding takes place.

It is important for brides-to-be to set clear boundaries and communicate their non-negotiables to their future mothers-in-law early on in the planning process. While it is natural to want to include the mother-in-law and value her input, it is crucial for the couple to maintain their autonomy and make decisions that align with their own values and preferences. By establishing clear boundaries and communicating effectively, the bride and her mother-in-law can develop a more respectful and open relationship, both during the wedding planning process and in the years to come.

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A mother-in-law must observe Hijab from her father-in-law, but not from her son-in-law

In Islam, a mother-in-law must observe Hijab from her father-in-law, but not from her son-in-law. This is because the wife is Mahram for her father-in-law, but not for his sons. The husband of a woman's daughter is one of the Mahrams through marriage, so it is permissible for him to see his mother-in-law without a hijab. For a woman to cover her face, hair, and forearms in front of her daughter’s husband is considered extremism in Hijab. Refusing to shake hands with a son-in-law is also considered extreme and may lead to a breakdown in relations.

In Islamic law, a father-in-law is considered Mahram for his entire life, even if his daughter-in-law is divorced or widowed. This means that a mother-in-law must observe Hijab in front of her father-in-law, as he is considered a Mahram bil hukmi, or a Mahram by virtue of the nikaah made by his son.

In some cultures, it is permissible for a father to marry his son's mother-in-law or sister-in-law. For example, in Islam, it is not prohibited for a father to marry his son's mother-in-law, as they are not genetically related. Similarly, in the United States, co-parents-in-law can marry, as there is no genetic relationship between them.

However, it is important to note that the idea of a son marrying his mother-in-law is generally considered taboo and is often portrayed as humorous or uncomfortable in popular culture.

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Frequently asked questions

No, a man cannot marry his mother-in-law, as it is considered incestuous and is illegal in most places.

Yes, it is permissible for a father to marry his son's mother-in-law, i.e., his daughter-in-law's mother, if she is widowed or divorced.

Yes, it is generally permissible for co-parents-in-law, such as a husband's father and a wife's mother, to marry each other. However, this may be specific to certain locations and cultural norms.

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