Keith Mack
If your daughter and daughter-in-law have recently come out as LGBTQ+, it's understandable that you may be unsure about how to best support them. While it can be challenging to navigate this new information, it's important to remember that your love and acceptance are crucial for their well-being. Research shows that LGBTQ+ adolescents who are supported by their families grow up to be happier and healthier adults. Here are some steps you can take to offer your support and help them navigate any challenges they may face:
[Paragraph continues with suggestions for supporting LGBTQ+ family members]
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Challenges Faced by LGBTQ+ Youth | Breaking the news to parents is the scariest part of coming out |
| Support from Family | Research shows that LGBTQ+ adolescents who are supported by their families grow up to be happier and healthier adults |
| Support from School | Advocate for a gay-straight alliance (GSA) to make schools safer and boost academic performance among LGBTQ+ students |
| Support from Community Organizations | Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) |
| LGBTQ+ Youth and Social Media | Monitor their social media use and be available for guidance and support |
| LGBTQ+ Youth and Mental Health | 82% of LGBTQ+ youth would like mental health care – but 60% who want therapy don't get it |
| LGBTQ+ Youth and Bullying | Bullying is a problem for many students, but LGBTQ+ youth are often targeted for being different |
| LGBTQ+ Youth and Religious Education | Some parents emphasize religiously-gendered roles and teach their children about the people of the Prophet Lot to protect them from LGBTQ+ influences |
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What You'll Learn
How to respond when your daughter comes out
It can be challenging to know how to respond when your daughter comes out. You might experience a range of emotions, and it's important to process these feelings and thoughts without letting them control your relationship with your daughter. Remember, your daughter has chosen to trust you with this personal information, and your response can significantly impact her self-esteem and mental health. Here are some ways to respond in a supportive and sensitive manner:
Remind her of your unconditional love and support
One of the biggest fears people have when coming out is the fear of losing love and acceptance. Reassure your daughter that your love for her remains unchanged and that you are there to support her. Let her know that you are open to asking questions and interested in learning more about her identity.
Acknowledge her bravery and trust
Recognize the trust your daughter has placed in you and celebrate it. Coming out takes courage, and by sharing this personal aspect of her life, your daughter is allowing you to get to know her better. Express your gratitude for her trust and bravery in being true to herself.
Listen and actively engage in the conversation
Your daughter's coming-out conversation is likely a moment she will remember for a long time. Take an active listening approach and follow her lead. Allow her to disclose as much or as little as she feels comfortable sharing. Respect her wishes if she asks you to keep this information private and do not share it with others without her consent.
Avoid making assumptions
Instead of assuming, ask your daughter how you can best support her. Find out if there are any changes she would like to see at home to make her feel more comfortable. Be open to learning about her experiences and feelings, as this will help strengthen your relationship and create a safe space for her to express herself.
Seek additional support if needed
Coming out can be a complex and challenging process for both your daughter and yourself. Consider seeking support from organizations like The Trevor Project, Parenting Culture, True Freedom Trust, and GLAAD, which offer resources and guidance for families navigating these conversations. These organizations can provide valuable information, community connections, and support networks for both you and your daughter.
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Supporting your daughter's mental health
Supporting your daughters' mental health is a crucial aspect of parenting, especially if they identify as LGBTQ+. Here are some ways to provide support and foster their well-being:
Create a Safe and Accepting Home Environment:
Offer unconditional love and acceptance. Let your daughters know that you love and accept them for who they are. This sense of belonging and affirmation can be a powerful protective factor in their mental health journey.
Encourage Open Communication:
Create a safe space for your daughters to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. Listen non-judgmentally and validate their experiences. Encourage them to share their concerns, struggles, and triumphs related to their sexual orientation and gender identity.
Educate Yourself and Seek Support:
Learn about the unique challenges faced by the LGBTQ+ community, such as discrimination, bullying, and rejection. Understand the specific needs and concerns of LGBTQ+ individuals to better support your daughters. Seek support for yourself as well by connecting with other parents of LGBTQ+ youth or joining support groups.
Advocate for Your Daughters:
Stand up for your daughters and be their advocate, especially in spaces where they may feel unsafe or vulnerable, such as school or family gatherings. Ensure that their school has supportive policies and work with teachers and administrators to create a safe and inclusive environment.
Promote Self-Care and Access to Healthcare:
Encourage your daughters to practice self-care, including regular exercise, healthy eating habits, and stress management techniques. Help them find LGBTQ+-friendly healthcare providers who respect their gender identity and sexual orientation. This includes mental health professionals who can provide specialized therapy or counseling if needed.
Connect Them with LGBTQ+ Communities:
Encourage your daughters to connect with LGBTQ+ peer groups, organizations, or community support networks. These connections can provide a sense of belonging and offer valuable resources, such as the Rainbow Youth Project, which offers no-cost mental health services and transgender health care assistance.
Remember, the most important factor in supporting your LGBTQ+ daughters' mental health is to provide a loving and accepting environment, both within the family and by advocating for them in the wider world.
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LGBTQ+ youth and social media
Social media can be a powerful tool for LGBTQ+ youth, offering a sense of community and belonging that may not be available to them in their immediate environment. This is especially true for those growing up in unwelcoming families or communities, where social media can provide a crucial sense of identity and connection to like-minded individuals.
Research has shown that LGBTQ+ youth may spend significantly more time online than their non-LGBTQ+ peers. This is because social media platforms offer critical opportunities for exploration, expression, and connection with the LGBTQ+ community, which may not be available offline due to the stigmatization and heteronormativity that still persists in society. For example, school sex education often focuses on heterosexual relationships and rarely includes LGBTQ+ perspectives. Social media fills this gap by providing a safe and anonymous space for LGBTQ+ youth to access information, express themselves, and connect with others going through similar experiences.
Instagram, Tumblr, and Twitter are commonly used platforms due to the ease of anonymity they offer. LGBTQ+ youth strategically manage their identities online through tactics such as being anonymous, censoring locations or content, restricting audiences, and using multiple accounts. This allows them to explore and express their identities while maintaining a sense of safety and control.
However, it is important to note that social media use also comes with risks, such as cyberbullying, discrimination, and the potential for negative mental health impacts. It is crucial for parents and caregivers to be involved and stay connected with their LGBTQ+ children, understanding their online activities and providing guidance and support when needed.
Overall, while social media can be a lifeline for LGBTQ+ youth, it should be navigated with awareness and caution to maximize its benefits and minimize potential harms.
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LGBTQ+ youth and dating
LGBTQ+ youth are at a greater risk of experiencing teen dating violence (TDV) victimization, including emotional, physical, and sexual abuse within dating or romantic relationships, compared to their cisgender heterosexual peers. This is a major public health concern, and there is a dearth of evidence-based interventions designed specifically to address TDV within the LGBTQ+ community. To address this gap, LGBTQ+ youth-generated intervention concepts have been proposed, focusing on enhancing education, support systems, and advocacy to improve health, well-being, and resilience. These interventions aim to empower LGBTQ+ youth with improved education and skills related to violence, sexual health, and healthy relationships, while also providing enhanced support for mental health and safety needs.
The intersection of suicide risk and dating violence within the LGBTQ+ community is a critical issue. Research has found a strong association between physical dating violence and suicide attempts among LGBTQ+ youth. Experiencing physical dating violence was linked to a significantly increased likelihood of reporting a past-year suicide attempt, with 11% of LGBTQ+ youth who dated someone in the past year experiencing physical dating violence. This issue cuts across age ranges, gender identities, and racial/ethnic backgrounds, with certain subgroups, such as transgender individuals and racial/ethnic minorities, facing even higher risks.
To address these challenges, dating violence prevention organizations and suicide prevention initiatives must be LGBTQ-inclusive and equipped to tackle the structural factors that contribute to the heightened risk of physical dating violence within the LGBTQ+ community. An intersectional approach is necessary to address the specific needs and vulnerabilities of marginalized and socioeconomically disadvantaged LGBTQ+ youth.
Additionally, dating apps like Tinder have become platforms where LGBTQ+ youth feel comfortable coming out and connecting with others in the community. Tinder, for instance, has expressed its commitment to queer youth and has introduced safety features and initiatives to support this growing user base.
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LGBTQ+ youth and school
LGBTQ+ youth face unique challenges and are more likely to experience stress and fear in school than their non-LGBTQ+ peers. This is often due to verbal and physical harassment and assault because of their sexual identity and gender identity/expression. As a result, LGBTQ+ youth are at a higher risk of suicide and substance use.
Schools provide a critical context for developing protective factors to improve the health and well-being of LGBTQ+ youth. Here are some strategies to promote resilience and a safe school environment for LGBTQ+ youth:
Inclusive Policies
Schools should implement inclusive policies that address sexual orientation and gender identity/expression. Enumerated policies explicitly list characteristics that may make students the target of bullying and provide guidance to teachers and administrators on anti-bullying practices. These policies signal to the school community that LGBTQ-based discrimination will not be tolerated and empower students with the knowledge of their rights to safety. Inclusive policies are linked to more supportive school environments, decreased truancy, and increased positive experiences for LGBTQ+ youth.
Professional Development for School Staff
Schools should provide ongoing professional development for teachers and staff on LGBTQ+ issues. This includes training on how to discuss LGBTQ+ topics in age-appropriate ways and building awareness of the language used by LGBTQ+ youth to identify themselves. Professional development enhances the cultural competence of school staff, enabling them to better support and protect LGBTQ+ students.
Safe Spaces and Student Organizations
Schools can designate safe spaces, such as counselors' offices or specific classrooms, where LGBTQ+ youth can seek support from administrators, teachers, and other staff. Additionally, student-led clubs or organizations like Gender and Sexuality Alliances (GSAs) or gay-straight alliances can provide a sense of community and improve the overall school climate.
SOGIE-Inclusive Curricula
Schools should incorporate curricula that are inclusive of sexual orientation and gender identity/expression (SOGIE). This ensures that LGBTQ+ students feel represented and included in their learning environment, promoting a positive school experience.
Collaboration with Families
Schools can serve as a resource to parents and families by providing information on sexual orientation and gender identity. This helps reduce biases and encourages families to create a supportive environment for their LGBTQ+ children. Schools can also connect families with community resources, such as support groups or culturally competent health services, to ensure the well-being of LGBTQ+ youth.
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Frequently asked questions
It is normal to struggle with new information about your child. You might be feeling a range of emotions, but remember, this is not about you. Your child will be facing their own challenges, and your acceptance is key. Research shows that LGBTQ+ adolescents who are supported by their families grow up to be happier and healthier adults. Give your child credit for doing something really difficult and let them know that you love them.
Educate yourself about the LGBTQ+ community and the struggles they face. Learn about the issues that LGBTQ+ youth face and join an LGBTQ+ family support organization, such as PFLAG, Gender Spectrum, or Strong Family Alliance. Advocate for a gay-straight alliance (GSA) at your daughter's school, and maintain frequent contact with her teachers to ensure that she is safe and supported in her academic environment.
It is important to remember that your daughter's sexual orientation is not a choice or a phase. Your feelings may be rooted in biases or prejudices that you have been taught to believe. Work on challenging these beliefs and focus on your daughter's well-being. Make a list of actions and behaviors that you can display to show your acceptance and continue to treat your daughter with the same level of love and support as you did before.
Encourage your daughter to seek mental health support if needed. Research shows that 82% of LGBTQ+ youth would like mental health care. A therapist can help your daughter work through any questions or concerns and provide support as she navigates her identity. Monitor her device usage and be aware of the social media platforms and apps she uses to ensure she is not exposed to inappropriate content.
Unfortunately, rejection is a common experience for LGBTQ+ individuals. You can help your daughter develop a sense of self-worth and confidence by leading with your love and acceptance. Be welcoming to her LGBTQ+ friends and partners, and ensure that she feels supported by her family. This will give her the strength to face future challenges.
