Cecily Zamora
What to call your mother-in-law is a common dilemma, with no one-size-fits-all solution. While some people feel comfortable calling their mother-in-law Mom, for others, this doesn't feel natural or respectful. Cultural norms, personal preference, and the nature of the relationship all play a role in determining what to call your mother-in-law. Some alternatives to Mom include using variations like Mimi, the mother-in-law's first name, or a nickname based on her interests and personality.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Can you call your mother-in-law "mom"? | Yes, some people do this. |
| How common is it? | Not very common. Only 17% of couples in a YouGov poll refer to their in-laws as "mom" or "dad". |
| Alternative names | "Mimi", "Mama", "Ma", "Mrs.", "Ms.", "Belle-mère", "Imma", "Sugar Mama", "Mama Cookie", "First name", "Mrs. [surname]", "First name" + "Mom" or "Mama", "FIL" (father-in-law), "Mr.", "Mr./Mrs. [surname]", "Grandma", "Nanna", "Mom G" or "Dad B" |
| Cultural differences | In the African American community, it is considered disrespectful to call elders by their first name. In China, it is common to call your mother-in-law "mum". In Hebrew, the terms for mother-in-law and father-in-law are "chotenet" and "choten", which do not include the word "mother" or "father". |
| Personal preference | Some people feel uncomfortable calling their in-laws "mom" or "dad" because those terms are reserved for their own parents. Others feel uncomfortable using their in-laws' first names as it may seem disrespectful or too informal. |
| Asking for preference | Some people ask their in-laws directly what they would like to be called, or wait for the in-laws to suggest a name. |
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What You'll Learn
- Some people find it awkward and unnatural to call their mother-in-law mom
- It is common to call your mother-in-law by her first name, but this was once considered disrespectful
- In some cultures, it is disrespectful to call your elders by their first names
- You can ask your mother-in-law what she prefers to be called
- Some people call their mother-in-law mama or a variation of mom
Some people find it awkward and unnatural to call their mother-in-law mom
Calling your mother-in-law "mom" can be a tricky situation for many people. While some people might find it comfortable and natural to call their mother-in-law "mom", others might find it awkward and unnatural. This could be due to various reasons, such as cultural differences, personal preferences, or the nature of the relationship with their mother-in-law.
In some cultures, addressing elders by their first name is considered disrespectful. For instance, in the African American community, Faith McKinney shared that she called her mother-in-law "Ms. Dorothy", as it is customary to address elders with "Mr." or "Ms." Similarly, in the Chinese context, using the mother tongue to address the in-laws might be preferred over using English terms like "mom" or "dad".
Personal preferences also play a role in what people choose to call their mother-in-law. Some individuals might feel that "mom" is a title reserved for their biological mother only, making it uncomfortable to extend the same title to their mother-in-law. Others might find certain terms too formal or distant, such as "Mrs." or "Ms.", while "mom" might feel too informal.
The nature of the relationship with the mother-in-law also influences the choice of address. For those with a strained relationship, using a respectful term like "Ma'am" or a nickname might be preferred over "mom", which conveys a sense of closeness and intimacy. On the other hand, a good relationship with the mother-in-law might make it easier to adopt "mom" as a form of address, indicating a welcoming into the family.
Additionally, the presence of children can be a factor in what people call their mother-in-law. Some individuals might choose to refer to their in-laws as "grandma" or "grandpa", adopting the perspective of their children, even when the children are not present. This can be a natural progression and a way to deepen the relationship with the in-laws.
Overall, the choice of what to call one's mother-in-law is a personal decision that should consider cultural norms, personal comfort, and the nature of the relationship. While some people might find it awkward to call their mother-in-law "mom", others might embrace it as a sign of closeness and acceptance into the family.
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It is common to call your mother-in-law by her first name, but this was once considered disrespectful
Calling your mother-in-law by her first name is a common practice today, with 29% of couples opting for this form of address, according to a YouGov poll. However, this was not always the case. In the past, addressing your mother-in-law by her first name was considered disrespectful. This is still the case in some cultures, such as the African American community, where elders are addressed as "Mr." or "Ms."
The shift in forms of address is linked to the modern concept of individuality, where people can choose how to address their elders. This has resulted in a lack of clear-cut rules, leaving many people confused about what to call their in-laws. While some people easily adopt "Mom" or "Dad", others find it unnatural or uncomfortable. This discomfort may stem from the belief that "Mom" and "Dad" are titles reserved for one's biological parents.
To navigate this complex issue, some people opt for nicknames or variations of "Mom" and "Dad," such as "Mama," "Mimi," or "FIL" (father-in-law). Others stick to more formal titles like "Mr." or "Mrs." until invited to use first names by their in-laws. Some individuals avoid addressing their in-laws by name altogether, waiting for their own children to come up with nicknames for their grandparents, which they then adopt.
Ultimately, the chosen form of address depends on the relationship and comfort level between the individuals involved. It is essential to respect the preferences of both parties and find a name that builds a relationship based on mutual understanding, connection, and respect.
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In some cultures, it is disrespectful to call your elders by their first names
Addressing elders by their first names is considered disrespectful in many cultures. For instance, in India, it is customary to address elders with respect, often using formal titles such as "Sir" or "Ma'am" along with their last name. Similarly, in Japanese culture, it is considered rude to address someone by their last name without an honorific suffix, while in French culture, using only the last name can be seen as pompous or disrespectful.
In some cultures, addressing elders by their first name may indicate familiarity or closeness, which could be inappropriate or uncomfortable for some individuals. For example, American poet Maya Angelou expressed discomfort when a young woman called her by her first name, stating that due to her age and life experiences, she should be addressed with a level of respect that a first-name basis does not convey.
On the other hand, in the United States, the cultural norm has shifted towards informality, with the use of first names becoming widely accepted in various contexts, including the workplace and online. This shift towards informality has also influenced how individuals address their elders, with some people feeling more comfortable using first names or even nicknames for their elders, such as grandparents or in-laws.
The preference for formality or informality in addressing elders can vary depending on individual comfort levels, cultural background, and the nature of the relationship. While some people may prefer the traditional formality of using titles and last names, others may opt for a more casual approach, using first names or even nicknames to foster a sense of closeness and familiarity. Ultimately, the key consideration is to respect the preferences of the individual being addressed and to navigate the cultural nuances that may influence their choices.
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You can ask your mother-in-law what she prefers to be called
Calling your mother-in-law "mom" can be a tricky situation. While some people easily fall into addressing their mother-in-law as "mom", for others, that doesn't feel natural or comfortable. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to nicknames for a mother-in-law, and you should call your in-laws what you feel comfortable calling them.
If you're unsure what to call your mother-in-law, the best approach is to ask her directly. You can say something like, "I don't want to be too formal, but I also don't want to assume anything. What do you like to be called?" This approach keeps things open while also respecting her preferences. It's important to have a conversation about it and deepen your relationship.
If you're not comfortable with "mom", there are many other options to consider. You can use a variation of "mom", such as "mama", "mimi", or even "mum", which is the term used in China for one's mother-in-law. You can also combine "mom" with her first name for a more casual and natural approach. Alternatively, you can explore nicknames based on her interests or your shared cultural heritage. For example, "belle-mère", which is French for "mother-in-law", translates to "beautiful mother". In the same vein, "yuèmǔ", the Chinese word for "mother-in-law", is a beautiful-sounding name that flows as easily as any first name. If you or your partner have Spanish heritage, using the Spanish word for mother-in-law can be a lovely way to honour your heritage. Similarly, "suocera", which is "mother-in-law" in Italian, can be a unique and meaningful nickname.
If none of these options feel right, you can always stick to using her first name. While this may have been considered disrespectful in the past, times have changed, and many people now view this as the preferred way to address one's mother-in-law in an adult context. Ultimately, the most important thing is to build a relationship based on mutual understanding, connection, and respect, regardless of the name or title you use.
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Some people call their mother-in-law mama or a variation of mom
Calling one's mother-in-law "mom" or any variation of it, such as "mama", is a personal choice and can depend on several factors, including cultural background, the relationship with one's in-laws, and personal preference. While some people may feel comfortable referring to their mother-in-law as "mom" or "mama", others may find it unnatural or awkward.
Some people choose to call their mother-in-law "mom" or a variation of it as a sign of respect, closeness, or to honour their culture. For example, the Hebrew word for mother-in-law is "chotenet", which avoids the use of the word "mother". Similarly, in Spanish, using the word for mother-in-law, "suegra", can be a way to honour one's heritage. In other cultures, it is common to use terms like "tante" in Egypt, which means "aunt", or a variation of "mom" or "mama", such as "mimi" or "belle-mère" in French, which translates to "beautiful mother".
On the other hand, some people may feel uncomfortable calling their mother-in-law "mom" because they believe that the term should be reserved for their biological mother. They may prefer to use other terms of endearment or formal titles such as "Mrs." or "Ms." instead. Others may simply refer to their mother-in-law by her first name, especially in cultures like Brazil, where this is the norm.
Ultimately, the decision to call one's mother-in-law "mama" or any variation of "mom" is a personal choice. Open communication and respect for one another's preferences are key in navigating this potentially tricky terrain. It is important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach, and what may work for some may not work for others.
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Frequently asked questions
It depends on the person and their cultural background. While some people call their mother-in-law "Mom", others may find it awkward or unnatural. According to a YouGov poll, 29% of couples call their in-laws by their first names, 17% refer to them as Mom or Dad, and 9% use Mr., Mrs., or Ms.
Some people may choose to address their mother-in-law by her first name, while others may opt for more formal titles like Mrs. or Ms. In certain cultures, there are specific terms for mother-in-law, such as "belle-mère" in French, "suocera" in Italian, or "yuèmǔ" in Chinese. You can also get creative and come up with a unique nickname, like "Mama Beth" or "Sugar Mama".
The best approach is to have an open and respectful conversation with your mother-in-law about your preferences. You can say something like, "I don't want to be too formal, but I also don't want to assume anything. What would you like me to call you?" If you're not comfortable calling her "Mom", you can explore other options together and find a nickname that feels right for both of you.
