Cecily Zamora
Whether or not you can put down your father-in-law as a reference depends on a few factors. A professional reference is someone who can provide a recommendation or confirm your qualifications for a position, as well as attest to your work ethic, skills, and achievements in past roles. While some sources advise against listing family members as references, there are certain cases where it may be acceptable. For example, if you have worked in a family-owned business for a significant period and your father-in-law is your supervisor, listing them as a reference may be appropriate. However, it is important to consider that a reference from a family member may be discounted or viewed with suspicion, especially if the work experience is not similar to what is typically found in the real world. It is recommended to have at least three references when applying for jobs, so providing additional references from non-family members can strengthen your application.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Acceptability of listing a family member as a reference | Not acceptable as a personal reference, but acceptable if they are your supervisor or boss |
| Circumstances under which a family member can be a reference | If you worked in a family-owned business for a long period, or if they can confirm your employment dates and title |
| Potential issues with a family member reference | May be biased, may not be seen as credible, may raise red flags if the employment arrangement was informal or short-term |
| Recommendations for asking someone to be a reference | Call or email them, ask if they know you/your work well enough to speak about it, ask if they can give a positive reference |
| Number of references to provide | Have at least three references ready when applying for jobs or attending interviews |
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What You'll Learn
If your father-in-law is your boss
It is generally advised not to list your father-in-law as a reference, especially if they are your boss. This is because people calling the reference may discount a positive reference coming from a family member, assuming that they would be biased or not entirely truthful about your work history. However, if you have worked in a family-owned business for a long time and your father-in-law is your supervisor, it is understandable that you would want to include them as a reference.
In such cases, it is recommended that you provide additional references from people who are not related to you. This could include other senior people in the company or customers you have done work for. If you are solely looking for someone to confirm dates of employment and job titles, it is preferable to find someone employed by the company who is not a family member.
If you are going to list your father-in-law as a reference, be transparent about your relationship. It is important to ask them ahead of time if they feel comfortable giving a reference and providing an honest evaluation of your work. It is also a good idea to have a copy of at least three references with you when applying for jobs or going to interviews, including your father-in-law and two other unrelated references.
While it may be challenging to find references outside of your family when you work for a family business, it is important to be honest and transparent on your job applications. Leaving gaps in your resume or providing only family references may create a worse impression on hiring managers than disclosing your work history and explaining your situation. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide whether to list your father-in-law as a reference, weighing the benefits of transparency against potential biases in the hiring process.
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Freelance work for your father-in-law
It is generally not advisable to list your father-in-law as a professional reference. However, if you have worked for your father-in-law for an extended period, such as in a family-owned business, it can be acceptable to list them as a reference. In such cases, it is important to be aware that the reference may be discounted or viewed with suspicion due to the potential bias of a family member. Therefore, it is preferable to have additional references from unrelated individuals or customers who can attest to your work ethic, skills, and achievements.
If you decide to include your father-in-law as a reference, it is crucial to ask for their consent beforehand. You can do this by calling or sending an email to inquire if they are comfortable providing a positive reference and speaking about your work. It is also essential to provide them with updates on your job search status and thank them for their time and support.
When providing your father-in-law's reference information, be transparent about your relationship. Mention that they are your father-in-law and a supervisor or boss at the family-owned business. This helps to ensure that the potential employer is aware of the context of the reference.
Additionally, consider including a mix of other professional references, such as colleagues, clients, or mentors, who can speak to your qualifications and work experience. This will help strengthen your application and provide a more well-rounded perspective on your capabilities.
Remember that the decision to include your father-in-law as a reference depends on the specific circumstances and the nature of your work relationship. If you have any concerns, it may be worthwhile to seek alternative references or consult with a career advisor to ensure you are making the best decision for your professional goals.
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Long-term employment at your father-in-law's company
Working with family can be a rewarding experience, but it also comes with its own set of challenges and considerations. If you are considering long-term employment at your father-in-law's company, here are some things to keep in mind:
Understanding the Business Dynamics
Firstly, it is essential to understand the dynamics of the family business. Family businesses often have unique goals and structures compared to other organizations. Some families may prioritize growth and profitability, while others may focus on creating a collaborative work environment for family members. As an employee, understanding these long-term goals and your role in achieving them is crucial.
Establishing Boundaries
When working with in-laws, establishing clear boundaries is essential. It is important to separate your relationship with your father-in-law into different "rooms," as suggested by Lachenauer. Certain topics and discussions may be appropriate only with specific groups, such as company owners, family members who are employees, or general family members. This approach helps maintain professionalism and avoids potential conflicts.
Entry and Growth within the Company
Starting at an appropriate level is crucial when joining a family business. Avoid the "coddle model" of hiring, where family members are hired solely based on their relationship and promoted without considering their performance. Instead, focus on joining at an entry-level position or a role that matches your skills and experience. This approach will help you establish your own relationships and status within the organization, as well as avoid resentment from other employees.
References and Work History
If you have been employed at your father-in-law's company for a long time, listing him as a reference may not raise any red flags, especially if he was your direct supervisor. However, it is important to consider that people calling for references may discount a positive review from a family member, assuming bias. If possible, provide additional references from non-family members who can attest to your work ethic and achievements.
Interacting with In-Laws Outside of Work
Working with in-laws can be challenging, especially when navigating interactions outside of company time. Remember that most people do not have their boss or co-workers as family members, so establishing boundaries and managing expectations is crucial. Discuss and agree upon appropriate topics of conversation and the level of involvement you want with your in-laws when not on company time, especially during family gatherings or events.
In summary, long-term employment at your father-in-law's company can be a rewarding experience if you consider the unique dynamics of a family business, establish clear boundaries, focus on merit-based growth, manage references and work history transparency, and navigate interactions outside of work with care.
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Whether your father-in-law can vouch for your work ethic
Whether or not your father-in-law can vouch for your work ethic depends on a few factors. Firstly, if your father-in-law is your supervisor or boss, listing him as a reference may be acceptable, especially if you have worked in the family business for a significant period. In this case, your father-in-law has likely witnessed your work ethic firsthand and can provide an informed perspective. However, it is important to consider that some potential employers may discount a positive reference from a family member, assuming bias or exaggeration.
If you have only worked for your father-in-law for a brief period or in an informal capacity, his reference may be viewed with more suspicion. In this case, it is advisable to seek references from other sources, such as clients or customers you have worked with, who can attest to your work ethic and capabilities without the potential bias of a family relationship.
Additionally, the nature of your relationship with your father-in-law may also be a factor. If your connection is primarily professional, and you have a formal employment history with clear job titles, pay, and structured roles, then your father-in-law's reference may be more credible. However, if your relationship is mostly personal, and your work together has been casual or sporadic, then his reference may carry less weight.
It is worth noting that while you may hesitate to list your father-in-law as a reference due to potential biases, there is value in demonstrating your experience and work history. If you have gained valuable skills and knowledge through your work with your father-in-law, it is essential to showcase this on your resume or during interviews. You can always supplement this with references from other sources to provide a well-rounded perspective on your capabilities and work ethic.
In conclusion, while there are considerations to keep in mind, your father-in-law may be able to vouch for your work ethic under certain circumstances. It is crucial to assess the nature of your professional relationship, the duration of your work together, and the potential biases that may be perceived by prospective employers. Balancing these factors with the need to showcase your skills and experience will help you make an informed decision about whether to list your father-in-law as a reference.
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Alternatives to using your father-in-law as a reference
Using your father-in-law as a reference may not be the best idea. A reference from a family member may be discounted as it is likely that a family member would shade the truth when describing your work history. It is best to use a reference that can speak to your work habits, skills, and character. Here are some alternatives to using your father-in-law as a reference:
- Previous or current colleagues: You can use a colleague or a former coworker as a reference, preferably someone who can speak to your work ethic and skills. It is important to choose someone you are on good terms with and who may speak positively about you. If you don't want your current employer to know you are looking for a new job, consider a colleague from a different department or a previous job.
- Supervisors: A supervisor or manager from a previous job can be a good reference, especially if they can speak highly of your work. If you are concerned about your supervisor providing a negative reference, consider reaching out to a supervisor from an older job where you had a positive work experience.
- Clients: If you have worked closely with clients, they can also be a good reference. They can speak to your work quality, professionalism, and how you interact with others.
- Academic references: If you are applying for a job in academia or a role that values academic achievements, consider using a professor, academic adviser, or academic counselor as a reference. They can speak to your performance, character, and ways of thinking.
- Volunteer supervisors: If you have volunteered in the past, the supervisor from your volunteer role can be a good reference, especially if you do not have much work experience.
- Friends: While it is not advisable to lie about a reference, you can use a friend as a character reference if they are aware of your work skills and can speak to your character.
When asking someone to be your reference, it is important to call or email them and confirm that they are comfortable providing a positive reference. It is also a good idea to give them information about the position you are applying for and the skills you would like them to emphasize.
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Frequently asked questions
It is generally advised against putting family members down as professional references. However, if you have worked with your father-in-law in a formal capacity, it may be acceptable to list them as a reference.
If you have worked in a family-owned business for a long period, listing a family member as a reference is more acceptable. This is because they can confirm your employment and speak to your work ethic and skills.
Professional references are people who can provide a recommendation or confirm your qualifications for a position. They should be able to speak to your work ethic, skills, and achievements in your past roles.
