Anaya Nolan
Greeting your future Indian in-laws for the first time can be a daunting experience, especially when you are not Indian yourself. Indian parents are often portrayed as tough and demanding, with high expectations for their children's partners. They may expect their children to marry someone of the same or higher caste and with a good Indian upbringing. However, it is important to remember that they may also be just as nervous as you are. Here are some tips to help you make a good first impression.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Greeting | Say "Namaste", "Satsriakal" or "Kem cho" |
| Use a prayer hand position with a slight bow | |
| Greet the eldest family members first | |
| Address people by their title and last name | |
| Clothing | Dress modestly and consider wearing traditional attire |
| Food | Ask your mother-in-law to teach you how to cook her favourite traditional food |
| Culture | Learn basic words and phrases in their language |
| Learn about aspects of their culture | |
| Behaviour | Show respect for elders |
| Refrain from displays of anger | |
| Avoid public displays of affection |
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What You'll Learn
Greeting elders
Learn Some Basic Phrases in Their Language
Greeting your future Indian in-laws in their native language can be a thoughtful way to show respect and make a good first impression. For example, you could say "Satsriakal" in Punjabi, which is often accompanied by holding your hands together in a prayer position and bowing your head. Learning a few common phrases or responses can also be helpful in making conversation after the initial greeting.
Traditional Gestures of Respect
In Indian culture, it is common to greet elders with traditional gestures of respect. One such gesture is known as "pairi hath pauna" or "pairi pauna" in Punjab, which involves reaching down to touch the ground or the elder's feet as a sign of respect. Alternatively, you can simply make the motion of reaching towards their feet or knees with one or both arms, and then touch your forehead and chest with one hand. Another traditional greeting is the Hindu "Namaste," which means "I greet the divine within you," and is accompanied by a nod or a bow, depending on the status of the person you are greeting. Placing your palms together in a prayer position with your fingertips facing upwards and a slight bow is also a respectful gesture.
Addressing Elders with Honorifics
When addressing your future Indian in-laws, it is advisable to use respectful forms of address. Use titles such as "Mr." or "Mrs." along with their last names until they invite you to move to a first-name basis. You can also add the gender-neutral honorific suffix "-ji" to a first name to show respect, for example, "Madhavji."
Dressing Modestly
When meeting your future Indian in-laws, it is important to dress modestly, especially for women. Avoid revealing clothing such as sleeveless or low-cut shirts, tank tops, or shorts. Ensure that your knees are covered.
Understanding Cultural Differences
Indian culture has different norms and expectations for relationships and marriage compared to Western cultures. Indian parents may have strong preferences for their children to marry someone of the same or higher caste, from a similar cultural background, and with the approval of their family. Be prepared for potential resistance or disapproval, especially if your partner's family adheres strongly to traditional Indian values.
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Dressing modestly
When preparing to meet your Indian in-laws, it's important to keep in mind that Indian culture values modesty in dress. Here are some tips to help you dress modestly and make a good impression:
Dressing Modestley for Indian In-Laws
- Opt for loose-fitting clothing that does not cling to your body or show your curves and muscles. This is respectful and helps to ward off any unwanted attention.
- Choose outfits that cover your shoulders, cleavage, and knees.
- Avoid wearing tank tops or sleeveless shirts. Instead, pack plenty of long-sleeved shirts and blouses. This will show respect and also protect you from the sun and mosquitoes.
- For bottoms, opt for long skirts that go down to the ankles or loose-fitting pants. If you prefer trousers, lightweight options are more comfortable in the Indian climate.
- If you're joining your in-laws for a special occasion or cultural event, consider wearing traditional Indian attire. Salwar kameez and kurtas are elegant choices. Sarees are also an option, but they vary from state to state in India, so be sure to research the specific type of saree and how to drape it appropriately.
- If you choose to wear Western clothing, keep it modest and respectful. Avoid skin-tight outfits and low-cut or revealing tops.
- When visiting religious sites or conservative areas, modest attire is required. Many temples will not allow entry if you are not dressed modestly. Additionally, some religious sites have specific requirements, such as covering your head in Sikh temples and avoiding leather in some Hindu temples.
- If you are unsure about what to wear or how to greet your in-laws, don't hesitate to ask your partner for guidance. They can advise you on the specific cultural norms and traditions of their family and community.
Remember, dressing modestly in India is about showing respect for local customs and sensitivities. By embracing their traditions and showing interest in their culture, you are already taking a big step towards making a good impression on your Indian in-laws.
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Learning basic phrases
Learning some basic Indian phrases can be a great way to show interest in your future Indian in-laws' culture. Greeting them in their language can make a good first impression. Here are some common phrases and tips to help you get started:
Greeting Phrases
- "Namaste" or "Namaskar": This is a common greeting in Hindi, meaning "I bow to you" or "I greet the divine within you". It is often accompanied by a slight bow or a nod of the head, depending on the status of the person you are greeting.
- "Sat Sri Akal": This greeting is used by Punjabi Sikhs and means "truth is eternal". It is often accompanied by pressing the palms together in a prayer position and bowing the head.
- "As-Salamu Alaykum" or "Salaam": This greeting is used by Muslims and is derived from Arabic, meaning "may peace be upon you" or "may God be with you". It is often accompanied by a handshake.
- "Kem Cho": This is a common Gujarati greeting, meaning "How are you?"
Other Important Phrases
- "Pairi Hath Pauna" or "Pairi Pauna": This is a Punjabi tradition of showing respect to elders by touching their feet or the ground in front of them.
- "Ji": This is a gender-neutral honorific suffix added to names or titles as a sign of respect. For example, "Madhavji".
- "Dhanyavaad": This is the Hindi word for "thank you". It is important to note that this word is not used lightly and is reserved for more significant expressions of gratitude.
Cultural Considerations
- It is advisable to address your future in-laws formally, using titles like "Mr." or "Mrs." and their last names until they indicate that you can move to a first-name basis.
- Avoid greeting with a hug or kiss unless you know the person well.
- When greeting elders, it is respectful to greet the eldest or most senior person first.
- Dressing in traditional Indian attire or expressing interest in learning about their culture and traditions can also be well-received.
Remember, you don't need to be fluent in the language, but learning a few basic phrases can go a long way in showing your respect and interest in their culture.
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Addressing parents formally
When addressing your Indian in-laws formally, it is advisable to follow certain traditions and customs. Firstly, it is important to address them formally, using titles such as Mr, Mrs, or other gender-neutral honorifics, such as the suffix '-ji', which can be added to first names as a sign of respect. For instance, you could refer to your father-in-law as "Mr [Last Name]" or "Father-in-law-ji".
In Indian culture, it is customary to greet the eldest or most senior person first. When greeting elders, a traditional way to show respect is to perform the gesture known as 'pairi hath pauna' or 'pairi pauna' in Punjab, which involves placing your palms together in a prayer position and bowing your head. In many parts of India, people greet elders with the traditional Hindu greeting of "Namaste", which means "I greet the divine within you", accompanied by a bow or a nod of the head, depending on the status of the person.
If your in-laws are of Punjabi descent, you could greet them with "Satsriakal", which is a common Punjabi greeting. It is also advisable to dress modestly, especially when it comes to women's attire, as a sign of respect.
When it comes to addressing your in-laws during conversations, it is important to be mindful of cultural differences, especially if your partner is from a different culture. Indian parents may have certain expectations and traditions when it comes to marriage, often preferring their children to marry someone of the same or higher caste and with a good Indian upbringing. Therefore, it is crucial to approach these conversations with sensitivity and patience, allowing your parents time to process the information and cope with any cultural differences.
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Discussing the relationship with your parents
When it comes to discussing your relationship with your Indian partner's parents, it's important to keep in mind that family dynamics and expectations may differ from what you are used to. Here are some points to consider:
- Understanding Cultural Differences: Recognize that Indian culture has diverse traditions and values that may influence family relationships. Be open to learning about these differences and how they may impact your interactions with your partner's parents.
- Parental Expectations: In Indian culture, parents often play a significant role in their children's lives, including their romantic relationships. It is not uncommon for Indian parents to have certain expectations or preferences regarding their children's partners, such as caste, cultural background, or career choices. Be prepared to address these expectations and find common ground.
- Communication and Respect: Effective communication is key to building a positive relationship with your partner's parents. Express your interest in their culture, values, and traditions. Listen to their perspectives and show respect for their opinions, even if you may not always agree. Address them with appropriate titles and honour their elders, as respect for elders is highly valued in Indian culture.
- Involving Your Partner: Discuss your concerns and questions with your partner beforehand. They can provide valuable insights into their family dynamics and cultural practices. Work together to find appropriate ways to introduce your relationship to their parents and navigate any cultural differences as a team.
- Dress and Behaviour: When meeting your partner's parents, it is generally advisable to dress modestly and avoid revealing clothing. Greet them respectfully, avoiding physical contact unless invited. A simple "Namaste" with palms pressed together and a slight bow is a safe and respectful greeting.
- Open-Mindedness and Flexibility: Embrace cultural differences with an open mind and be willing to adapt. Show your willingness to participate in their traditions, whether it's through learning basic phrases in their language, dressing in traditional attire, or showing interest in their cuisine. Remember, they may also be nervous about making a good impression on you.
Remember, each family is unique, and it's important to approach this discussion with sensitivity and a willingness to learn and grow together. By showing respect, openness, and a genuine interest in their culture, you can lay the foundation for a positive and mutually respectful relationship with your Indian partner's parents.
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Frequently asked questions
Greeting future Indian in-laws for the first time can be daunting, but there are some simple ways to make a good impression. Firstly, it is respectful to greet the eldest person first. A common greeting is "Namaste", accompanied by a slight bow and pressing the palms together in a prayer position. "Namaste" is a Hindu greeting, so it may not be appropriate for all Indian in-laws. Other greetings include "Kem cho" in Gujarati, "Satsriakal" in Punjabi, or "Salaam", which is used by Muslims. If you are unsure, it is best to stick to "Hello", as many Indians greet each other in English.
It is respectful to address people by their title (Mr, Mrs, etc.) and last name, and you can add the suffix '-ji' to show respect. For example, you could refer to your mother-in-law as "Mrs [surname]ji".
It is important to dress modestly and avoid revealing clothing. This means no sleeveless or low-cut shirts, tank tops, or shorts. Women, in particular, should ensure their knees are covered. If you are meeting your in-laws over dinner, you could consider wearing traditional Indian attire.
Indian culture varies greatly depending on the region and religion, so it is important to be aware of the specific background of your in-laws. For example, in some cultures, it is traditional to touch the feet of elders as a sign of respect. It is also common to wait for a woman to offer her hand before shaking it. Public displays of affection are generally discouraged.
