Anaya Nolan
Asking your brother-in-law to be a groomsman is a thoughtful way to include your future brother-in-law in your wedding party. While there are no rules that say siblings have to be included in the bridal party, it is a nice gesture to extend an invitation to your closest friends and family members. This can be done in a variety of ways, from a casual conversation to a more elaborate proposal, depending on your relationship with your future brother-in-law. Some people choose to give a gift, such as a monogrammed pair of cufflinks or a pocket square, along with a formal invitation to be a part of the bridal party. Others may opt for a more personal approach, such as taking them to their favourite restaurant or a special event, followed by a meal, and then popping the question.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Number of groomsmen | Based on the size of the wedding. More formal weddings with more guests require more groomsmen. |
| Who to choose | The groom's closest friends and family members. This can include their father, grandfather, the bride's father and grandfather, siblings, cousins, extended family members, and close friends. |
| Asking | A formal invitation, a gift, or asking in person are all good ways to invite someone to be a groomsman. |
| Timing | It is best not to ask more than 8-10 months before the wedding. |
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What You'll Learn
Asking in-person vs. sending an invitation
Asking your brother-in-law to be one of your groomsmen can be a tricky situation, especially if you are not close with him. However, it is important to remember that the decision is ultimately yours and there are no rules that say that siblings have to be included in the bridal party. If you do decide to include your brother-in-law, there are several ways to go about asking them, either in person or through an invitation.
Asking in-person can be a great way to make the moment more personal and intimate. It allows you to express your emotions directly and make eye contact, which can be impactful. Additionally, asking in-person can be more cost-effective, as you don't need to spend money on invitations or gifts. However, it can be challenging to find a time and place that works for everyone, especially if your brother-in-law lives far away.
On the other hand, sending an invitation can be a thoughtful and creative way to ask your brother-in-law to be a groomsman. You can include a personal note expressing your feelings and explaining why you want them to be a part of your special day. This also gives them a tangible item to keep as a memento. If you choose to send an invitation, you can make it formal or informal, depending on your relationship and preferences. You can even include a small gift related to your wedding, such as a monogrammed pair of cufflinks or a pocket square in your wedding colours.
Another advantage of sending an invitation is that it can be done from a distance, which is convenient if your brother-in-law lives far away or if you have multiple groomsmen spread across different locations. It also allows you to ask all your groomsmen at once, creating a sense of camaraderie among them. However, sending invitations can be more expensive, especially if you choose to include gifts, and it may not be as personal as an in-person request.
Ultimately, the decision to ask in-person or send an invitation depends on your relationship with your brother-in-law, your preferences, and logistical considerations. Both options have their advantages and can be made special and memorable with the right approach.
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Including vs. excluding your brother-in-law
Including your brother-in-law as a groomsman
There are differing opinions on whether to include your brother-in-law as a groomsman. Some people believe that it is proper etiquette to include siblings in the bridal party, and that not doing so could cause discord within families. It is also argued that family should always come first, and that including your brother-in-law could be a way to honour him and make your bride's family happy. Additionally, in some families, it is expected that all siblings are included in the wedding party.
Excluding your brother-in-law as a groomsman
On the other hand, some believe that the groom should ultimately choose his groomsmen based on his relationships and who he is closest to. There are no rules that say siblings have to be included in the bridal party, and it should be a personal choice. If the groom is not close to the brother-in-law, there is no reason to ask him to be a groomsman. Additionally, the groom may not want to exclude his own friends to include an in-law he is not close with.
Deciding whether to include or exclude your brother-in-law as a groomsman depends on various factors, such as family dynamics, the groom's relationship with the brother-in-law, and personal preferences. Ultimately, the decision should be made by the groom and bride based on what they feel is best for their wedding.
- Send a formal invitation: Write a thoughtful invitation to your wedding party, expressing your sentiments and the reason you want him in your wedding party.
- Gift something related to your wedding: Give him a pair of cufflinks, a pocket square, or a cigar meant to be lit after you walk down the aisle, along with a note asking him to be your groomsman.
- Ask in person: If you prefer a more personal approach, ask your brother-in-law in person. Explain that you would like him to be a part of your special day and stand by your side as you get married.
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Gifting something directly related to the wedding
Asking your brother-in-law to be your groomsman is a thoughtful gesture that can strengthen your bond and make your wedding day even more special. One creative approach to popping the question is by gifting something directly related to the wedding. Here are some ideas to make your proposal memorable:
Monogrammed Accessories
Add a sophisticated touch with a set of monogrammed cufflinks, an elegant pocket square, or a stylish tie that complements your wedding colour palette. These accessories will not only be useful on the big day but will also serve as a lasting memento of the occasion.
Toast-worthy Gifts
Present your brother-in-law with a personalised drink glass, beer mug, or a set of shot glasses. These can be used for a celebratory toast and engraved with a playful message, such as "Will you be my groomsman?" to make the moment lighthearted and fun.
Themed Gifts
Consider a gift that aligns with your wedding theme or shared interests. For example, if you're planning a rustic outdoor wedding, you could gift a sleek pocket knife or a multi-tool that can come in handy during the wedding festivities and beyond. Alternatively, for a more lighthearted option, you could gift a personalised cigar, meant to be lit and enjoyed after you walk down the aisle.
Sentimental Keepsakes
Opt for a heartfelt gift that captures the emotion of the occasion. A thoughtful card or letter expressing your sentiments can be a simple yet meaningful way to ask your brother-in-law to be your groomsman. Alternatively, a framed picture from the wedding or a personalised item with a heartfelt message will surely be treasured.
Practical Indulgences
Show your consideration by easing the financial burden of wedding participation. Offer to cover the cost of wedding attire or contribute towards it. This practical gesture ensures that your brother-in-law can choose an outfit that suits their style and budget without worrying about expenses.
Remember, the key is to choose something that aligns with your brother-in-law's interests and reflects the significance of the occasion. By incorporating a gift that is both thoughtful and functional, you'll not only be asking your brother-in-law to be your groomsman but also presenting them with a lasting memento of your special day.
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Asking at a special event or favourite place
Asking your brother-in-law to be a groomsman at a special event or favourite place is a great way to make the moment memorable. Here are some ideas to help you pop the question:
At a Special Event
If your brother-in-law is a sports enthusiast, consider taking them to a sporting event like a baseball game or another sporting event they love. You can even surprise them with tickets to see their favourite team play. After the game, treat them to a nice meal, and then pop the question. This way, you'll create a memorable day for them, and asking them to be your groomsman will be the perfect ending to a fantastic day.
At Their Favourite Place
Think about a place that holds a special meaning for your brother-in-law, such as their favourite restaurant, a scenic spot they love, or even a fun amusement park they enjoy. Plan a day out at this location and make it extra special by adding personal touches, like their favourite food or a small gift. When the moment feels right, ask them to be your groomsman.
A Group Ask
If you have multiple groomsmen to ask, consider hosting a small get-together at a fun location, like a backyard BBQ, a brewery tour, or even your engagement party. Once everyone is having a good time, give a short speech about why each person is important to you and why you want them by your side on your wedding day. Then, ask them all to be your groomsmen. This way, you create a memorable moment for everyone involved.
A Sentimental Gift
If your brother-in-law is a sentimental type, consider giving them a thoughtful gift that aligns with their interests. For example, if they love basketball, get them tickets to see their favourite team. If they're into reading, a first edition of their favourite book could be perfect. Include a heartfelt note with the gift, expressing your appreciation and asking them to be your groomsman.
Remember, the key is to make the moment special and personalised for your brother-in-law, so feel free to get creative and adapt these ideas to fit their unique personality and your relationship. Good luck with the ask, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
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Involving your brother-in-law in other events
While it is ultimately up to you whether you want your brother-in-law to be a groomsman, there are several ways to involve him in your wedding if you choose not to. Here are some ideas for including your brother-in-law in events other than the bridal party:
Pre-Wedding Events
Invite your brother-in-law to any pre-wedding events, such as your bachelor party or wedding shower. This is a great way to include him in the celebrations without him officially being a groomsman. It is entirely up to you whether you want to include him in these events, and you should not feel pressured to do so if you are not comfortable.
Wedding Planning
If your brother-in-law shows interest in helping with the wedding planning, you could involve him in the process. You could assign him tasks that he will enjoy, such as creating the out-of-town guest welcome bags, assembling favours, or creating the seating chart. This way, he will feel included and have a role to focus on. However, if he does not show interest in wedding planning, it is best to respect his wishes and not insist on his involvement.
Wedding Day Activities
On the day of the wedding, there are several ways to involve your brother-in-law. You can introduce him to the groomsmen and include him in the getting-ready process. He can also be a part of the wedding procession or stand in for the groom's father during the ceremony. If your brother-in-law is comfortable with public speaking, he could also make a speech or toast at the reception.
Post-Wedding Celebrations
Don't forget that there are also opportunities to involve your brother-in-law in post-wedding celebrations. If you are having a destination wedding, you could plan a group activity that includes him, such as a day trip or a group dinner. This will make him feel included and create lasting memories.
Remember, the most important thing is to maintain a positive relationship with your future brother-in-law and follow good sibling wedding etiquette. Including him in events surrounding the wedding, even if he is not a groomsman, can go a long way towards building a strong rapport with your future spouse's family.
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Frequently asked questions
No, there are no rules that say siblings have to be included in the bridal party. It's a personal choice. However, some families expect the bride and groom to include each other's siblings in the wedding party. If you are close to your brother-in-law, it might be a good idea to ask him.
You can ask your brother-in-law to be a groomsman in a number of ways. You could invite him to be part of the bridal party with a formal, written invitation. You could also give him a gift that is directly related to the wedding, such as a cigar to smoke after you walk down the aisle or a drink glass with a "Will you be my groomsman?" label. Alternatively, you could ask him in person at his favourite restaurant or during an event he loves, such as a baseball game.
It's important to consider the size of your wedding and the number of groomsmen you want to have. The more formal the wedding, the more attendants you'll need. You should also think about the relationship you have with your brother-in-law. If you are close, it could be a nice gesture to include him.
Asking your brother-in-law to be a groomsman can be a way to honour your future spouse's family and make them feel included. It can also be a way to strengthen your relationship with your brother-in-law and create a closer bond. Additionally, your future spouse's family may appreciate the gesture and it could help to avoid any potential discord within the family.
