Concerned About Your Teen Breaking The Law?

It can be extremely distressing for parents when their teenager breaks the law. It is important to remember that this is a difficult time for both parties, and that teens are more likely to make mistakes in judgement due to the challenges of their growth and hormones. While it is natural to want to protect your child, it is also crucial that they understand the consequences of their actions. Parents should strive to hold their teens accountable while also providing support and encouragement to seek help. This can be a tricky balance to navigate, and it is important to remember that punishment can be an effective tool when applied in a calm, reasonable, and predictable manner. Teaching teens to respect the law, educating them about their rights, and encouraging open and honest communication can also help prevent future legal issues.

Teaching teens respect for the law

It can be extremely distressing for parents when their teenager breaks the law. It is important to remember that this is a difficult time for both the parent and the child, and that teens often make mistakes due to the challenges they face during this period of their lives.

Understanding the reasons

Firstly, it is crucial to understand why young people break the law. Often, it is because they are taking risks, testing boundaries, or making mistakes as they navigate their way into adulthood. Some may have little self-control or lack support, while others may be influenced by their peers or family members who are also breaking the law. Understanding the reasons behind your teen's behaviour can help you address the issue more effectively.

Teaching respect and understanding of the law

It is important for teens to respect the law and be aware of the consequences of breaking it. Educate your teen about the laws they need to follow and teach them how to research the law so they can understand their rights and responsibilities. Encourage open and honest communication, and be supportive rather than punitive. Share your own experiences of making mistakes and how you learned from them.

Setting clear rules and consequences

At home, set clear rules and boundaries and explain the consequences of breaking them. This helps teens understand the concept of rules and consequences in a familiar context. Punishment can be an effective tool if used appropriately. It should be predictable, reasonable, and calm to minimise negative side effects. For example, instead of taking away privileges, you could try a strategy like Job Card Grounding, where your teen is given a job card with a task to complete when they break a rule. This provides a measured and proportionate response that holds your teen accountable without damaging your relationship.

Seeking help

If your teen is struggling with mental health issues, abuse or trauma, drug or alcohol abuse, or feelings of isolation or hopelessness, encourage them to seek help from support services. Many communities offer mental health services, drug and alcohol treatment centres, youth support services, and more. You can also consider family therapy to address any underlying issues that may be contributing to your teen's behaviour.

Remember, it is your responsibility as a parent to teach your teen right from wrong and help them understand the importance of respecting the law. By providing guidance, support, and clear boundaries, you can help your teen navigate this challenging period and make better choices in the future.

Educating teens about the law

It can be extremely distressing for parents when their teenager breaks the law. It is important to remember that this is a challenging time for both the parent and the child, and that teens often make mistakes in judgement due to their growth and hormones.

Teaching respect for the law

Firstly, it is important to teach your teen to respect the law. This does not mean that they should fear the police, but rather that they are aware of the consequences of breaking the law. Young people often go through rebellious phases, and it is important that they understand the laws they have to follow. Educate your teen about the law and teach them how to research it so that they can understand it better.

Open and honest communication

Encourage your teen to be open and honest with you. Mistakes are a normal part of growing up, especially when teens are enjoying their first taste of independence. If they do something wrong, they should feel responsible for their actions and be able to own up to them. Being honest with your teen will help to encourage this, and you can even share stories about occasions when you have made mistakes with the law.

Avoid reacting in anger

It can be easy to react in anger if your teen has broken the law, but this is not a constructive approach. Instead, try to remain calm and supportive. Shouting at your teen for breaking the law will not help them learn from their mistakes. A measured and proportionate response is always best.

Understanding consequences

It is important for teens to understand that their actions have consequences. This does not mean that you should let them off the hook, but rather that you help them to understand the impact of their actions. This can be a tricky balance, as you don't want them to feel that you are constantly bailing them out, but you also don't want them to feel that they will lose your love and support.

Seek professional help

If your teen is in legal trouble, consider seeking professional help. A criminal defense attorney can help your teen navigate the legal process and ensure that their rights are protected.

Encouraging teens to be open and honest

It can be difficult to know how to respond when your teen breaks the law. It's important to remember that this is a challenging time for both you and your child, and that your response will shape your relationship with them. Here are some strategies to encourage open and honest communication with your teen, even when they make mistakes:

Build a Strong Foundation

Open and honest communication is built on a foundation of trust and respect. This starts when your child is young, but it's an ongoing process that requires continuous work. Modelling good communication skills is one of the most effective ways to teach your children how to communicate. Practise active listening when your child is sharing something with you, and create a safe space for all types of conversations. Be predictable and consistent in your responses to their actions.

Create a Stress Management Plan

Teens are more likely to be honest when they feel close to their parents and know that they are trusted to make independent decisions. Support your teen's growing need for independence by allowing them to explore and take positive risks. Help them navigate new experiences and challenges in healthy ways. Work together to create a stress management plan that will enable them to cope with difficult emotions and make better choices.

Be a "Lighthouse Parent"

Provide loving guidance and structure while allowing your teen to gain increasing independence. Lighthouse parents set boundaries and enforce rules, but they also understand that their teens need room to grow and make mistakes. They listen without judgment and give their teens the space to share their side of the story. Lighthouse parents understand that discipline is about teaching, not punishment, and they adapt their rules as their teens prove themselves trustworthy.

Focus on Calm and Reasonable Consequences

When your teen breaks the rules, it's important to remain calm and avoid harsh punishments that could damage your relationship. Instead, focus on reasonable consequences that teach your teen about accountability. Correction-Overcorrection, for example, involves having your teen correct their wrongdoing and take extra steps to repair the mistake. This strategy can help your teen understand the impact of their actions and make better choices in the future.

Show Unconditional Love and Support

Even when your teen makes mistakes, it's important to continue showing your love and support. Let them know that you will always be there for them, even if you don't agree with their choices. This doesn't mean enabling their negative behaviour, but rather, providing a supportive presence as they navigate the challenges of adolescence.

Remember, open and honest communication is a two-way street. As you work to encourage honesty from your teen, reflect on your own communication skills and behaviours. Get real with yourself and model the values and behaviours you want to see in your children.

Supporting teens without enabling them

As a parent, it is natural to want to protect your child and clean up their messes, but there is a difference between supporting and enabling your teen. Here are some tips on supporting your teen without enabling them:

Listen More Than You Speak

Let your teen work out their own solutions to their issues. Many times, teens simply want to vent and don’t want their parents to suggest solutions. If your teen seems stuck, it’s fine to offer a suggestion or two, but a good strategy is to ask something like, "What are some ways you can think of to handle this problem?".

Don't Lie For Your Teen

Insist that your teen take ownership of their behaviour. Excusing their bad behaviour, for example, is a sign that you are enabling them. This also sends a mixed message to your teen, who you presumably are teaching to be honest and have integrity.

Remember That Your Teen's Problems Are Their Own

You are not responsible for every fluctuation in your teen's happiness. The problems they have, particularly the ones that are self-created, are not up to you to solve. Letting your teen handle their own problems (as long as they are age-appropriate and not likely to result in great harm) will teach important lessons that can help them achieve success later in life.

Create and Stick to Boundaries

Create reasonable boundaries, discuss what the consequences will be if those boundaries are crossed, and stick to whatever you’ve decided. It can be very difficult for a teen who has not had boundaries before, but it will be even more difficult for them to adapt if they become an adult who has never had to follow rules and face consequences.

Seek Help When Needed

If your teen is showing signs of depression, anxiety, or other types of mental health conditions that can cause misbehaviour, withdrawal, or other problems, it’s important to seek professional help right away. This will help immensely and also sets a good example for your teenager to follow in the future.

Knowing when to involve the authorities

Recognise the Severity of the Crime

The severity of the crime is an important factor in deciding whether to involve the authorities. In the case of minor offences, such as plagiarism or truancy, parents may choose to handle the situation themselves, teaching their children about the consequences of their actions and helping them understand the importance of following rules. However, for more serious crimes, such as violence, drug use, or theft, involving the authorities may be necessary to ensure the safety of the teen and others around them.

Assess the Risk of Recidivism

If your teen has committed a crime, consider whether this is an isolated incident or part of a pattern of criminal behaviour. Most young people who make a mistake once will learn from it and not continue to break the law. However, if your teen is repeatedly engaging in criminal activity, it may be necessary to involve the authorities to help them understand the seriousness of their actions and deter future offences.

Evaluate the Impact on Others

When deciding whether to involve the authorities, consider the impact of your teen's actions on others. If their behaviour has harmed or poses a threat to others, involving the authorities may be necessary to protect the wider community. This can be a difficult decision, especially if your teen is struggling with mental health issues or has experienced trauma, but it is important to prioritise the safety of potential victims.

Understand the Legal Requirements

Educate yourself about the legal requirements and consequences of your teen's actions. In some cases, there may be mandatory reporting requirements for certain types of crimes. Understanding the legal process can help you make informed decisions about involving the authorities and ensure your teen's rights are protected. Seeking legal advice from a criminal defence attorney can also help you navigate the complex legal system and make the best decisions for your child.

Consider the Need for External Intervention

If your teen is struggling with underlying issues, such as mental health problems, substance abuse, or trauma, consider involving external support services. Counselling, therapy, or youth support services can provide guidance and help address the root causes of their behaviour. By seeking professional help, you can equip your teen with the tools they need to make better decisions and avoid future run-ins with the law.

Involving the authorities when your teen breaks the law is a difficult and complex decision. It is important to weigh the severity of the crime, the risk of recidivism, and the impact on others. Remember that your teen is going through a challenging developmental stage and may need support and guidance to navigate this difficult period. By involving the authorities judiciously and seeking professional help when needed, you can help your teen get back on track and make more positive choices in the future.

Frequently asked questions