Anaya Nolan
Polyamory is a non-monogamous relationship style where people mutually agree to have multiple sexual or romantic relationships. It is not the same as polygamy, which involves being married to multiple people. Polyamorous relationships can take many forms, and marriage is not a prerequisite. Common-law marriage, on the other hand, is a marriage that is recognized in some jurisdictions based on the couple's agreement to consider themselves married and their cohabitation, without a statutory process or ceremony. While polyamory exists globally, common-law marriage is recognized in only some states and countries, and the two concepts may coexist in certain jurisdictions.
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What You'll Learn
Polyamory is gaining legal recognition in the US
Polyamory is the practice of, or the desire for, romantic relationships with more than one partner at the same time, with the informed consent of all partners involved. It is a form of non-monogamous relationship and a subset of ethical non-monogamy (ENM). Polyamory is gaining legal recognition in the US, with a growing number of states and cities adopting laws that acknowledge and protect polyamorous relationships. This trend towards legal recognition reflects an increasing social acceptance of polyamory and a shift in public perception.
Historically, non-traditional relationships such as polyamory have faced legal and social challenges, with negative assumptions and discrimination prevalent. Judges in family courts have often concluded, without evidence, that those in polyamorous relationships are less moral, stable, and capable of caring for children compared to monogamous individuals. This has resulted in systematic discrimination and a lack of legal protection for polyamorous families. However, public opinion is changing, and polyamory is gaining greater acceptance, particularly among younger age groups. A 2023 survey by YouGov found that 34% of Americans describe their ideal relationship as something other than completely monogamous. Additionally, a 2022 survey found that 30% of US adults support the legalization of polyamory, with the highest level of support (42%) in the 18 to 44 age group.
Several states and cities in the US have taken steps to recognize and protect the rights of polyamorous individuals. In 2020, the city of Somerville, Massachusetts, adopted an ordinance allowing for more than two domestic partnerships, enabling residents to legally recognize multiple committed relationships. Following Somerville's lead, the town of Arlington, Massachusetts, voted to extend domestic partnerships to include more than two people. Cambridge, Massachusetts, also amended its laws to stipulate that "a domestic partnership needn't only include two partners." These changes were supported by the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition (PLAC), which aims to advocate for the rights of polyamorous individuals.
In addition to Massachusetts, other states and cities are making progress in recognizing polyamorous relationships. For example, California cities Berkeley and Oakland have introduced family and relationship structure nondiscrimination bills to protect individuals from discrimination based on their relationship structure in businesses, civil services, and housing. Furthermore, a New York City judge set a legal precedent by protecting the rights of polyamorous partners in an eviction court case. These legal developments signal a growing recognition of polyamorous relationships and an effort to extend legal protections to non-traditional families.
While polyamory is gaining legal recognition in the US, there is still much work to be done to address the harmful stigma associated with consensual non-monogamy and to enact non-discrimination laws at the state and federal levels. Advocates continue to push for these changes, arguing that individuals should have the right to choose how they shape their families and that polyamorous relationships deserve legal protection and acknowledgment. As social attitudes evolve and media coverage brings polyamory into mainstream conversations, it is likely that we will see further legal advancements in recognizing and protecting the rights of polyamorous individuals in the US.
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Common law varies across states
Common law, so named because it was common to all the king's courts across England, originated in the practices of the courts of the English kings following the Norman Conquest in 1066. Common law countries, including the United States, are increasingly adopting codes similar to civil law systems in areas such as bankruptcy, intellectual property, and tax law.
In the United States, common-law marriage is a form of irregular marriage that survives in some states and military law. Common-law marriage, also known as sui juris marriage, informal marriage, or marriage in fact, does not require a ceremony. Instead, couples cohabit for a significant time, present themselves publicly as a married couple, and otherwise behave as a married couple. Common-law marriages are recognized in Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Rhode Island, Oklahoma, Texas, and the District of Columbia. Utah, South Carolina, and New Hampshire have limited recognition of common-law marriage.
The recognition of common-law marriage varies across states, leading to complexities when couples cross state lines. Some states do not recognize common-law marriages, which can result in difficulties for couples relocating. Couples in recognized common-law marriages have similar rights to those in traditional marriages, including inheritance, spousal support, and medical decision-making. However, dissolving a common-law marriage requires formal divorce proceedings in states where they are recognized.
While polyamory, or the practice of romantic relationships with more than one partner, is gaining acceptance in the United States, it is distinct from common-law marriage. Multiple states, including California, Washington, Louisiana, and Rhode Island, have explicitly recognized families with multiple parents. Cities like Somerville, Massachusetts, have also adopted ordinances allowing for more than two domestic partnerships. However, polyamorous relationships still face legal and social challenges, with judges often concluding that they are less moral and stable than monogamous relationships.
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Polyamory is distinct from polygamy
Polyamory and polygamy are two relationship styles that are often confused with each other. While both involve multiple partners, there are key differences between the two.
Polyamory involves having multiple intimate partners at once, with the informed consent of all partners involved. It is about having multiple loves, regardless of the form or legal status of the relationships. Marriage may or may not be involved in polyamorous relationships. Polyamorous relationships can take the form of one relationship with multiple partners or multiple one-on-one relationships. Polyamory is a gender-neutral term and can refer to individuals of any gender having multiple partners of any gender.
On the other hand, polygamy refers specifically to being married to multiple partners. It is a marital arrangement in which one person has multiple spouses. Polygamy is often associated with religious subcultures and is practised in certain cultures and religions, such as some Muslims. However, it is important to note that not all Muslims practice polygamy. While polygamy is gender-neutral, it is often conflated with polygyny, where one man has multiple wives. This is partly due to the illegality of polyandry, where one woman has multiple husbands, in many countries.
The main distinction between polyamory and polygamy is that polyamory does not require marriage, while polygamy specifically refers to multiple marriages. Polyamory is more flexible and can include a variety of relationship structures, as long as there is consent and openness among the partners involved. Polyamory is also gaining recognition in certain parts of the United States, with some cities passing ordinances to protect the rights of polyamorous individuals and families.
While there is some overlap between polyamory and polygamy, they are distinct relationship styles with different connotations. Polyamory is often seen as more free and flexible, while polygamy carries negative associations with abuse, coercion, and unequal power dynamics. These negative connotations have led to the illegality of polygamy in many countries, including the United States, Canada, and most European countries.
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Polyamory is often misunderstood
In the United States, polyamory is still a minority practice, with only about 4 to 5 percent of the population engaging in it. However, there is growing interest and acceptance, with a 2022 survey finding that 30% of U.S. adults support the legalization of polyamory, and a 2023 survey finding that 34% of Americans describe their ideal relationship as something other than completely monogamous. Several cities in progressive states like Massachusetts and California have passed ordinances protecting polyamorous individuals and relationships from discrimination, and recognizing domestic partnerships of more than two people.
Despite this progress, polyamory is still widely misunderstood and stigmatized. Some family courts have equated long-term committed polyamorous relationships with "wife-swapping" or casual sex-only swinging, and this ignorance fuels systematic discrimination. People in polyamorous relationships face challenges similar to those experienced by same-sex couples, including legal recognition of their partnerships and the risk of discrimination in employment, housing, and child custody cases.
The increasing media coverage of polyamory, including shows like "Couple to Throuple," is bringing it into mainstream conversations and helping to normalize the concept. However, there is still a lack of data on the prevalence of polyamory, and limited legal protections in place. As non-traditional relationship structures gain greater acceptance, advocates continue to push for non-discrimination laws at the state and federal levels to protect the rights of polyamorous individuals and families.
While polyamory may not be for everyone, it is important to understand and respect this form of consensual non-monogamy as a valid choice for those who choose to shape their families in this way.
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Polyamory is more common in the LGBTQ+ community
Polyamory is a type of relationship structure that involves consensual non-monogamy, with people involved with more than one partner at a time. It is distinct from other types of consensual non-monogamy (CNM) in that polyamorous people are more open to falling in love with multiple people. Polyamory is often an identity term, and some people regard it as an innate desire, comparable to sexual orientation.
Additionally, polyamory may be more accepted within the LGBTQ+ community due to a shared understanding of the principles of polyamory, such as reverence for people's hearts and a philosophy rooted in love and care. Queer polyamorous dynamics can differ from straight ones, with a greater tendency to respect ex-partners and maintain connections with them. This understanding and acceptance of polyamory within the LGBTQ+ community can make it easier for individuals to explore polyamorous relationships.
Furthermore, the LGBTQ+ community has a history of challenging heteronormative and cisnormative relationship scripts, which can create a more supportive environment for exploring non-monogamous relationship structures like polyamory. The intersection of queerness and polyamory is also reflected in advocacy efforts, such as the work of the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition (PLAC), which includes the Harvard Law School LGBTQ+ Advocacy Clinic as a member.
While polyamory is more common in the LGBTQ+ community, it is important to note that not all polyamorous people are queer, and polyamory does not necessarily include same-gender relationships. Polyamory exists on a spectrum, and individuals within the LGBTQ+ community may choose to engage in various forms of polyamorous relationships, such as triads, relationship anarchy, or polycules.
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Frequently asked questions
Polyamory is not illegal in the US, but it is also not legally recognised as a form of marriage. However, some states have made progress in legally acknowledging and protecting polyamorous relationships. These include California, Washington, Louisiana, and Rhode Island, which have explicitly recognised families with multiple parents. In 2020, Somerville and Cambridge in Massachusetts also approved domestic partnerships of more than two people.
The legal status of polyamory varies across the world. Polygamy, a similar concept, is legal in 58 out of nearly 200 sovereign states, mostly Muslim-majority countries. However, some countries that permit polygamy have restrictions, such as requiring the first wife's consent. In countries where polygamy is illegal, the offence is often called bigamy, and penalties vary between jurisdictions. Some countries that do not recognise polygamous marriages include Canada, Sweden, Russia, Switzerland, and France.
Polyamorous individuals in the US face various challenges due to the lack of legal recognition and societal stigma surrounding their relationship choices. They may experience discrimination in employment, housing, and family law. For example, polyamory can be a barrier in child custody cases, and individuals may worry about losing their jobs if their non-monogamous relationships are revealed. There is also a harmful stigma associated with consensual non-monogamy, and media portrayals often perpetuate misconceptions about polyamory.
