Cecily Zamora
It is not uncommon to develop an attraction to a brother-in-law, and this can be due to various factors. One reason could be proximity and familiarity, as spending a lot of time together can foster a sense of comfort and closeness that may lead to romantic or sexual feelings. Additionally, the brother-in-law may possess certain physical traits or a personality that is similar to or an upgraded version of one's partner, which can be alluring. It is also possible that the attraction stems from unmet needs or longings within one's current relationship, such as a lack of sexual intimacy or unresolved issues, making other potential partners seem more appealing. While these feelings can be confusing and challenging, it is important to reflect on one's own relationship and address any underlying issues rather than acting on the attraction.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Physical attraction | Handsome, nice body, nice hair |
| Familiarity | Reminds them of their partner |
| Comfort | Feeling comfortable and open around them |
| Unfamiliarity | Don't know what it's like to be in a relationship with them |
| Attraction to the forbidden | Close proximity, increased erotic tension |
| Lack of appreciation for one's partner | Taking one's spouse for granted |
| Unfulfilled desires | Lack of sex in the relationship |
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What You'll Learn
- It's harmless to be attracted to your brother-in-law, but acting on it is not
- You may be attracted to your brother-in-law because he reminds you of your partner
- You may be projecting feelings of longing for something missing in your life
- Attraction to your brother-in-law may be a result of taking your partner for granted
- Attraction to your brother-in-law may be a result of your partner losing interest in sex
It's harmless to be attracted to your brother-in-law, but acting on it is not
The first thing to acknowledge is that this attraction is a fantasy. You may have spent time with your brother-in-law and even know him well, but you don't know what it's like to be in a relationship with him. It's easy to feel attracted to the idea of someone because you only see them at their best, without the challenges and complexities that come with being in a committed relationship. Recognising this fantasy can help you reflect on reality and remember that your brother-in-law is human and has flaws like anyone else.
It's natural to feel confused and even guilty about these feelings, especially if you are in a happy and committed relationship with a partner. It's important to remember that attractions can sometimes surface unacknowledged longings or desires that we haven't identified. These attractions may be less about your brother-in-law and more about something missing in your life or your current relationship. Use this time to explore what you may be missing and what you can bring back into your relationship.
If you find yourself struggling to manage these feelings, it's important to seek support. Talk to a trusted friend or consider counselling to help you explore and understand these feelings. If you are in a relationship, it may be helpful to discuss this with your partner, but it's important to have a basic understanding of what's happening and what your partner can expect from you going forward.
While it may be harmless to feel attracted to your brother-in-law, acting on these feelings can have significant consequences. It could damage your relationship with your partner, create tension within your family, and lead to hurt and resentment. It's important to set boundaries and focus your attention on your partner and your relationship with them. Identify what you love and appreciate about your partner and make an effort to build them up, especially in the presence of your brother-in-law.
Remember, it's okay to feel attracted, but it's crucial to respect the boundaries of your relationship and the dynamics of your family. By seeking support, exploring your feelings, and focusing on your partner, you can navigate this situation without causing harm to yourself or those around you.
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You may be attracted to your brother-in-law because he reminds you of your partner
It is possible that you are attracted to your brother-in-law because he reminds you of your partner. This could be due to physical resemblance, similar personalities, or shared interests and values. It is not uncommon for people to be attracted to individuals who resemble their partners, as it can create a sense of familiarity and comfort.
Additionally, the attraction may stem from the brother-in-law's similarities to your partner, which could include mannerisms, habits, or even the way they speak. This can trigger feelings of attraction as it brings about a sense of familiarity and emotional connection. It is important to acknowledge that these feelings are normal and can happen to anyone. However, it is essential to manage these feelings in a healthy and respectful manner.
The attraction you feel towards your brother-in-law could be a reflection of your appreciation for certain qualities or characteristics that remind you of your partner. Perhaps there are aspects of your partner that you find attractive, and seeing those similarities in your brother-in-law amplifies those feelings. This can be particularly true if your partner possesses qualities that you find desirable, such as a sense of humour, intelligence, or physical attractiveness.
It is also worth considering that your attraction to your brother-in-law may be influenced by the context of your relationship with your partner. If you have been together for a long time, it is natural to experience periods of decreased excitement or novelty. In such cases, the attraction to your brother-in-law may represent a desire for something new or different, which can be misattributed as attraction towards him specifically. It is important to reflect on your feelings and identify any unmet needs or desires that may be influencing your attraction.
Additionally, it is crucial to be mindful of your behaviour around your brother-in-law. While you may not be able to control your initial attraction, you can control how you respond to it. Ensure that you do not encourage or act on these feelings, as it could lead to complicated dynamics within the family. Respect the boundaries of your relationship and focus on nurturing your connection with your partner.
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You may be projecting feelings of longing for something missing in your life
It is possible that your attraction to your brother-in-law is a projection of feelings of longing for something missing in your life. This could be due to a sense of "soul hunger", a yearning for more peace, purpose, truth, and connection in your life. You may be seeking to fulfil a void or a quiet inner restlessness that you are unable to identify.
Attractions can sometimes surface unacknowledged longings that we haven't identified. It might be helpful to reflect on what you are missing in your life and what you can invite back into your current relationship. Are there things you are not asking for in your relationship with your partner? It is important to identify what you love about your partner and appreciate them for who they are.
Your attraction to your brother-in-law could also be a result of the "warm glow of imagining life with someone who has never hurt you, misunderstood you, or let you down". You may be projecting your feelings onto your brother-in-law because you only see him at his best, without the complexities and challenges that come with a committed relationship.
Additionally, it is natural to feel a sense of longing for something unknown or indescribable. This feeling has been described as "sehnsucht", a deep yearning or longing for something one cannot explain. It is often associated with a sense of introversion and a search for meaning or purpose.
By exploring your feelings and understanding their underlying causes, you can gain a better understanding of yourself and take steps to address any unmet needs or longings in your life.
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Attraction to your brother-in-law may be a result of taking your partner for granted
In one case, a woman feels attracted to her brother-in-law because he is an "upgraded version" of her husband. She describes him as very handsome, outgoing, and flirty by nature. She feels comfortable and open around him, which has strengthened her attraction over time. However, she loves her husband and would never want to hurt him.
Another woman seeks advice due to her attraction to her brother-in-law, who she finds physically attractive and similar in personality to her boyfriend. She wants to remain loyal to her boyfriend but is confused about her feelings.
In both cases, the women may be taking their partners for granted or have unacknowledged longings that are causing them to feel attracted to their brothers-in-law. It is important to reflect on what is missing in their lives and relationships and address any unresolved issues.
To redirect your attraction, focus on what you love about your partner and appreciate about your family. Explore your feelings through counselling and consider what you can bring back into your relationship. It is also wise to set boundaries and limit your interactions with your brother-in-law to avoid building a stronger connection.
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Attraction to your brother-in-law may be a result of your partner losing interest in sex
It is important to recognise that your attraction may be a fantasy, as you have not experienced what it is like to be in a relationship with your brother-in-law. You only see him at his best, without the challenges and complexities that come with committed love. This fantasy can be enticing, as it is free from the potential hurt, misunderstandings, and letdowns of real-life relationships.
To address these feelings, it is recommended to focus on your relationship with your partner and identify what you may be missing. Are there things you are not asking for or unacknowledged longings that you haven't identified? Try to redirect your energy towards your partner and work on reawakening your sex life together.
Additionally, it is suggested to increase your bond with your sister-in-law and focus on what you appreciate about your husband and family. Building up and complimenting your husband, especially when you are around his brother, can help reinforce your commitment to your relationship.
Finally, set firm boundaries with your brother-in-law. Avoid being alone with him, and ensure you are never in a situation that could lead to inappropriate behaviour.
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Frequently asked questions
It's easy to feel attracted to someone you don't know very well. You might only be seeing your brother-in-law at their best, without the challenges that come with committed love. You might also be projecting your unacknowledged longings onto him.
Focus on your spouse and what you love about them. Make an effort to appreciate and compliment them, especially when you're around your brother-in-law. Address any unresolved issues in your relationship, as they can make other people seem more attractive.
Seek counselling to explore why you're feeling this way and what might be missing in your life or current relationship. If you feel comfortable, talk to your spouse about it, but make sure you understand your feelings first.
If your brother-in-law's behaviour makes you uncomfortable, set boundaries and tell him that it's not appropriate. If you're single, consider whether you want to pursue a relationship with him, but be aware of the potential complications and how it might affect your family dynamics.
