Cecily Zamora
It is not uncommon for people to experience feelings of attraction towards their brothers-in-law. This can be attributed to various factors, such as physical attraction, emotional closeness, or the excitement of forbidden fruit. While these feelings may be intense, it is important to remember that acting on them can have devastating consequences for multiple people and relationships. Acknowledging these feelings and seeking professional help to understand and address them can be crucial in managing this situation.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Physical attraction | Handsome |
| Emotional attraction | Comfortable and open |
| Similarities with partner | Reminiscent of partner |
| Frequency of interaction | Spending lots of time together |
| Unspoken attraction | Mutual eye contact |
| Flirtatious behavior | Outgoing and flirty by nature |
| Fantasy | One-dimensional |
| Unmet needs | Unacknowledged longings |
| Denial | Surprise and unpredictability |
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What You'll Learn
It's a common fantasy
It's completely normal to find your brother-in-law attractive, and it's a common fantasy that many people have. Attraction is a complex emotion, and it can be influenced by a variety of factors, including proximity, familiarity, and emotional intimacy. It's natural to develop feelings for someone who is regularly in your life and with whom you share experiences and create memories.
Familiarity can often lead to attraction and even love. Spending time with someone, getting to know them, and sharing experiences can create a strong emotional bond. This is especially true if your brother-in-law is someone with whom you share common interests, values, or life experiences. The more time you spend with someone, the more opportunity there is for attraction and emotional connection to develop.
It's also important to remember that physical attraction is not always solely based on physical appearance. Personality, sense of humour, intelligence, and shared experiences can all contribute to how attractive someone finds another person. It's very possible to become attracted to someone based on these factors, even if you may not have initially been drawn to them physically.
Additionally, the taboo nature of the relationship may also play a role in the fantasy. There is often a thrill and excitement associated with forbidden fruit, and this can intensify feelings of attraction. It's not uncommon for people to find the idea of a secret relationship or a taboo romance enticing, and this can definitely apply to a relationship with a brother-in-law.
Finally, it's worth noting that fantasies are just that – fantasies. They are often harmless and can even be a healthy outlet for exploring desires and emotions in a safe, imaginary context. Many people have fantasies that they would never act on in real life, and that is okay. It's all about understanding your own boundaries and what feels comfortable and safe for you.
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It's not incest
It's understandable that you might feel confused or worried about your feelings for your brother-in-law. It's important to remember that incest typically refers to sexual relationships between close blood relatives, such as siblings, parents, and children. In most places, sexual relations between a brother and sister are considered incest, even if they are half-siblings or step-siblings. However, your brother-in-law is not your blood relative, so your feelings for him do not constitute incest.
That being said, it's normal to experience attraction to people outside of your relationship, and it doesn't necessarily mean there is something wrong with your current relationship or that you need to act on these feelings. It's natural to be attracted to people who share similar qualities with your partner, and it's okay to acknowledge these feelings without acting on them.
If you find yourself frequently thinking about your brother-in-law or struggling to manage your feelings, it might be helpful to seek professional counselling to explore the underlying reasons for your attraction. It may be related to unacknowledged longings or things that you feel are missing in your life or current relationship.
It's important to remember that acting on these feelings could have consequences for multiple people, including your partner, children, and extended family. If you feel that your attraction is becoming too strong to manage, it may be wise to keep your distance from your brother-in-law and set appropriate boundaries to protect your relationship and family dynamics.
Remember, it's normal to experience a range of emotions and attractions, and it's okay to seek support if you feel overwhelmed or unsure about how to handle your feelings.
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You see him at his best
It is easy to feel attracted to someone you don't really know. You see your brother-in-law at his best without the dependency, pressures, expectations, and other dynamics that come with committed love. You see him in a positive light because he has never hurt, misunderstood, or let you down.
You might feel comfortable and open around him, which has made the attraction stronger over time. You might find yourself wanting to look good and look forward to being with him. You might also feel guilty because you love your spouse and would never do anything to hurt them.
If you are preoccupied with these thoughts and feelings, it is recommended that you seek professional counseling before discussing it with your spouse. Use this time to explore why you allowed yourself to develop these feelings for your brother-in-law. Examine what you are missing in your life and if there are things you are not asking for in your relationship with your spouse.
If you do not want to stop gathering as a family, you can change the way you engage with your brother-in-law. You can mix up your social gatherings and do things with other couples. You can also turn your attention to your spouse and your sister-in-law in mixed gatherings so you aren't trying to build more of a connection with your brother-in-law.
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You're comfortable and open around him
It is natural to feel attracted to your brother-in-law, especially if you are good friends with his wife and spend a lot of time together as families. You might find yourself wanting to look good before seeing him and looking forward to spending time with him. This attraction might have grown over time because you are comfortable and open around him.
Being comfortable and open with someone can lead to stronger feelings of attraction. This could be because you feel understood and accepted by the person, which can create a sense of intimacy and closeness. When you are comfortable with someone, you may also feel more relaxed and able to be yourself, which can lead to a deeper connection.
Additionally, feeling comfortable and open with your brother-in-law might mean that you share similar interests, values, or experiences. This sense of shared understanding can lead to feelings of attraction as you feel like he "gets" you on a deeper level than others might. It's important to remember that these feelings of comfort and openness can be misleading, as they may make you believe that you know your brother-in-law better than you actually do.
If you find yourself in this situation, it might be helpful to reflect on the potential consequences of acting on these feelings. Consider the potential impact on your relationship with your husband, children, and the wider family. It might also be beneficial to explore the underlying reasons for these feelings. Are there aspects of your relationship with your husband that you are unhappy with? Are there things you wish were different in your life? By understanding the root causes of your attraction, you can address those issues directly rather than focusing on the fantasy of a relationship with your brother-in-law.
Finally, if you feel like the attraction is becoming too strong to manage, consider seeking professional counselling. A therapist can help you explore your feelings in a safe and non-judgmental space, and support you in finding healthy ways to manage your attraction and reset your thoughts.
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You might be missing something in your life
It is natural to develop feelings for someone, even if they are a relative by marriage, like your brother-in-law. However, it is important to reflect on why this attraction has developed, as it could indicate that something is missing in your life.
You might be missing emotional intimacy or attention from your partner or spouse. Your brother-in-law may provide a listening ear, emotional support, or simply spend more time with you than your partner. This shared time and emotional connection could develop into romantic feelings over time. It is important to assess your relationship and identify areas where you might need more support or attention.
Additionally, you may be unconsciously attracted to certain qualities your brother-in-law possesses, which you feel are lacking in your life. These could be personality traits, physical attributes, or even skills and hobbies. For example, if your brother-in-law is particularly adventurous and outgoing, and you find yourself drawn to that aspect of his personality, it may be because you desire more excitement or spontaneity in your own life.
The attraction could also be a result of proximity and familiarity. You may spend a significant amount of time with your brother-in-law due to family gatherings, holidays, or simply because he is your sister's husband. This closeness can foster a sense of comfort and intimacy, which could then be mistaken for romantic attraction. It is important to remember that these feelings may not necessarily indicate a true romantic connection but could be a sign of unfulfilled needs or desires.
If you find yourself in this situation, it is crucial to address the issue with care and sensitivity. Open and honest communication with yourself and those involved is essential. Take time to introspect and understand your feelings, and consider seeking professional help if you feel unable to manage the situation on your own.
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Frequently asked questions
It is normal to be attracted to someone other than your partner, and it does not necessarily mean that there is something wrong with your relationship. Your brother-in-law shares similarities with your partner, so it is natural to have a similar response to him.
It is important to first be honest with yourself about any boundaries you may have crossed. If you have not done or said anything with your brother-in-law that you wouldn't do in front of your husband, then it is likely something you can work through on your own. However, if you are preoccupied with these feelings, it is recommended to seek professional counselling before discussing it with your husband.
Acknowledging your attraction is the first step. Then, you can make decisions to starve the attraction rather than feed it. For example, you can maintain a friendly distance from your brother-in-law and avoid spending time alone with him.
It is important to set boundaries and communicate that it is not appropriate for him to flirt with you. If he is married, it is likely that he is only seeking attention from you to boost his ego, and it is not a genuine interest.
Focus on the qualities that you do not like about him, and remember that your attraction is likely a fantasy as you do not truly know him. Think about what your attraction to him may symbolise—are there things that you are not asking for in your current relationship?
