Cecily Zamora
Hosting a bridal shower for your daughter-in-law is a thoughtful way to celebrate your son's wedding and welcome a new member into your family. Traditionally, it was frowned upon for immediate family members to host bridal showers as it could be perceived as soliciting gifts from guests. However, modern etiquette experts like Diane Gottsman suggest that this tradition has evolved, and now a mother-in-law hosting a bridal shower for her future daughter-in-law is generally accepted, especially if the bride is unfamiliar with the mother-in-law's circle, creating an opportunity for them to meet and bond. If you decide to host a bridal shower, remember to involve the bride in the planning process, asking her preferences, themes, and guest list to ensure she feels included and special.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Who can host a bridal shower? | Anyone close to the bride, including family, can host a bridal shower. |
| Should the mother of the groom host a bridal shower? | Traditionally, it was considered poor etiquette for family members of the couple to host a shower as it could be seen as asking for gifts. However, some sources say that if the bride is not familiar with the mother-in-law's circle, it is acceptable for the mother-in-law to host a shower to help the bride meet new people. |
| Who decides the guest list? | The bride should decide the guest list, but the host can invite a few friends to keep them company. |
| What is the role of the mother of the groom? | Attending and bringing a gift, or hosting the event. |
| What is the role of the mother of the bride? | If there are financial difficulties, the mother of the bride can offer to discreetly help. |
| What is the role of the maid of honor? | The maid of honor can be asked to host the bridal shower if no one else has offered. |
| What is the role of the bride? | The bride should be included in some of the planning, providing her preferences, theme, needs, and special requests. |
| When should invitations be sent? | Ideally, six to eight weeks before the shower. |
| What is bridal shower etiquette? | Be sure to RSVP in a timely manner. If you are unable to attend, explain to the couple why. Send thank-you notes to guests within 48 hours and up to a month after the shower. |
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What You'll Learn
- It is acceptable for mothers-in-law to host bridal showers
- The bride should be included in some of the planning
- The host should decide on a theme and send out invitations
- The bride should not be expected to micromanage the event
- Bridal showers can range from a meticulously planned brunch to a low-key gathering
It is acceptable for mothers-in-law to host bridal showers
Planning a bridal shower for your daughter-in-law is a wonderful opportunity to celebrate the upcoming nuptials and build a strong foundation for the future. While traditional etiquette suggests that immediate family members, such as the mother or mother-in-law, should refrain from hosting to avoid the appearance of soliciting gifts, modern norms have evolved to include exceptions to this rule.
One scenario where it is acceptable for a mother-in-law to host the bridal shower is when the bride is unfamiliar with the mother-in-law's circle. In this case, hosting the event allows the mother-in-law to introduce the bride-to-be to her friends and family, fostering new connections and a sense of inclusion. This exception is acknowledged by etiquette experts like Diane Gottsman, who recognises that while rules are subject to change, there is always room for flexibility.
Another factor to consider is the preference of the bride herself. While it is customary for the maid of honour and the wedding party to host the bridal shower, if the bride wishes for her mother-in-law to take on this role, it is certainly acceptable. The key is to involve the bride in the planning process, seeking her input on themes, preferences, needs, and guest lists to ensure that she feels honoured and respected.
Additionally, logistical considerations may come into play. If the mother-in-law resides in a different state or location from the bride, hosting a separate event in her own area can be a practical solution. This way, she can celebrate the marriage with her local friends and community without overwhelming the bride's celebration with unfamiliar guests.
When hosting or participating in a bridal shower, it is essential to maintain good etiquette. This includes timely RSVPs, thoughtful gifts that align with the party's theme, and prompt thank-you notes to express gratitude to the guests. Overall, the focus should be on celebrating the couple and showing support for their union.
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The bride should be included in some of the planning
While the bridal shower is usually planned by the maid of honour, other close family members or friends, the bride's mother or mother-in-law can also host a shower. If the bride is not familiar with the people in her mother-in-law's circle, for example, a mother-in-law may host a shower so that her future daughter-in-law can meet her friends and family.
The bridal shower should take place about two to three months before the wedding, but can be closer to the big day if that's the only time that works for the bride, the wedding party, and close family and friends. The hosts should also decide if the bridal shower and bachelorette party will take place during the same weekend or will be spaced out.
The host traditionally pays for the shower, so it's important to decide on a budget before planning the event. The menu, for example, will depend on the budget. It's also a good idea to choose foods that are easy to serve and that the bride will like. If you're hosting a brunch-themed bridal shower, opt for a mimosa bar, coffee drinks, and breakfast foods like mini waffles or salmon toast. For a boho-themed shower, a build-your-own-taco station with guacamole and margaritas would be a fun option.
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The host should decide on a theme and send out invitations
If you are hosting a bridal shower for your daughter-in-law, you should decide on a theme and send out invitations. While traditionally, the mother of the groom would not host a bridal shower, this tradition has evolved, and it is now common for mothers-in-law to host bridal showers for their future daughters-in-law.
When deciding on a theme, it is important to select an idea that reflects the bride's style, preferences, and personality, while also appealing to the larger crowd. For example, if the bride loves spending her Saturdays at the local farmers' market, you could set up a display table filled with wicker baskets of vibrant produce. Or, if she's a bookworm, you could use her favourite novel as inspiration for the theme, displaying famous literary quotes on custom cocktail napkins and creating centrepieces with hardback books.
Other ideas include a spa-themed bridal shower, a celestial-themed bridal shower, or a rustic-style affair with neutral tones and organic decorations. You could even create a huge ice cream bar with different flavours and toppings, or make it a "pizza my heart"-themed party with custom pizzas and bridal shower stickers.
Once you have decided on a theme, it is important to send out invitations promptly, ideally six to eight weeks before the shower. If the theme requires guests to dress a certain way, be sure to include this information on the invitation.
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The bride should not be expected to micromanage the event
Planning a bridal shower for your daughter-in-law is a wonderful way to celebrate her upcoming wedding and build a foundation for the future. While it's important to include the bride in some of the planning, asking her preferences, and special requests, she should not be expected to micromanage the event.
As the host, you'll want to ensure the bride is involved in key decisions and that the event reflects her tastes, requests, and aesthetics. However, it's essential to remember that the bridal shower is meant to be a fun, lighthearted celebration for the bride, not a source of stress or micromanagement. The bride has enough on her plate with wedding planning, so it's your role as the host to take the lead and ensure the event comes together seamlessly.
To achieve this, effective communication is key. Keep the lines of communication open with the bride and ask her for her input on important aspects of the shower. This includes deciding on a budget, choosing a date and time that works for her and her closest guests, selecting a theme, and finalising the guest list. It's crucial to ensure that the people the bride wants to be there are invited and that the event doesn't turn into a gathering of people she barely knows.
While it's important to seek the bride's input, be mindful of not overwhelming her with too many minor details or decisions. As the host, take ownership of the planning process and only involve the bride in the most critical aspects. This will allow her to feel involved without burdening her with the minutiae. Remember, the bridal shower is a gift to the bride, and she should be able to relax and enjoy the celebration without feeling like she has to manage every aspect.
To make the process smoother, consider creating a quick itinerary or timeline for the bridal shower. This will help ensure that activities flow naturally and that there's enough time for all the planned festivities. By taking the initiative and staying organised, you can create a memorable and enjoyable event for the bride without overburdening her. Remember, effective communication, thoughtful planning, and a willingness to take the lead will ensure that the bridal shower is a success and that the bride feels celebrated without having to micromanage anything.
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Bridal showers can range from a meticulously planned brunch to a low-key gathering
Bridal showers can be meticulously planned or low-key, but they are always a fun way to celebrate the bride-to-be and offer well-wishes before the wedding. Traditionally, the bridal shower is hosted by the maid of honour and the bridal party, but anyone close to the bride can host, including family.
If you are the mother of the groom, it is now considered acceptable to host a bridal shower for your future daughter-in-law, especially if she is not familiar with your circle of friends. It is a wonderful opportunity to get to know each other and build a foundation for the future. However, some traditionalists, such as Martha Stewart, still believe that immediate family members should not host. If you are unsure, it may be best to ask your daughter-in-law what she would prefer.
If you decide to host, there are many ways to make the bridal shower a memorable occasion. You could host a wine tasting, either at home or at a nearby winery, or enlist a mixologist to guide guests through making classic cocktails. For a more active event, you could hire a dance instructor to teach some new moves, or head to a spin school to learn how to mix music. A unique idea is to host the shower at the bride's favourite boutique, where guests can enjoy Champagne and canapés and receive fashion advice from personal shoppers.
For a more low-key event, you could invite guests to make their own beauty products, such as face masks, sugar scrubs, and lip balms, or even create their own custom scents with a perfumer. A flower bar is another great, interactive activity where guests can create their own flower arrangements. For a summery feel, add a DIY touch to simple tablescape details, such as pineapples or other fruit, with a coat of gold spray paint.
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Frequently asked questions
Yes, you can host your daughter-in-law's bridal shower. Traditionally, it was considered poor etiquette for immediate family members to host, as it could be seen as asking for gifts. However, this tradition has evolved, and many modern etiquette experts agree that a mother-in-law can host a bridal shower, especially if the bride is not familiar with the mother-in-law's friends and family.
If you are hosting, be sure to include the bride in the planning process and ask about her preferences, theme, needs, and special requests. Remember, it is still her day, and while she should not micromanage, she should have the majority of the say.
Bridal showers can range from a meticulously planned brunch or garden party to a low-key backyard get-together. You can order games and decorations online, and even create a sign for guests to write their "Advice & Wishes for the Mr. & Mrs.". You can also provide themed food and drinks, such as white chocolate-dipped strawberries with sprinkles, and mini wine bottles that match your colour scheme.
Be sure to send out invitations with all the details, ideally six to eight weeks before the shower. Show gratitude to your guests by sending thank-you notes within 48 hours and up to a month after the shower. Remember to arrive on time, or even a little early, especially if you are hosting, to meet and greet guests.
