Gavin Howe
When applying for a job, one of the most challenging steps is providing references. While some people enjoy the job application process, they may struggle with figuring out professional reference ideas. It is well-known that references should not be family members, but there are some loopholes to this rule. If you have worked for your brother-in-law or they ask for personal references, then it may be acceptable to include them on your resume. However, it is generally recommended to use current or former coworkers or supervisors as references, as they can speak to your work performance, strengths, weaknesses, work ethic, and character.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Family members as references | Not recommended |
| Using a brother-in-law as a reference | Only if you've worked with them |
| Using a family member as a reference | Only if they're your boss |
| Using a professor as a reference | Recommended |
| Using a former supervisor as a reference | Recommended for background checks |
| Providing references with your resume | Recommended |
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What You'll Learn
Using a family member as a reference
When providing references, it is essential to consider the perspective of the hiring manager or recruiter. They are typically seeking unbiased evaluations of your skills, abilities, and work performance from individuals who can speak to your professional qualifications. Family members may be perceived as having a personal stake in your success, which could raise doubts about the credibility of their reference. Therefore, it is generally advisable to prioritise references from non-family members, such as former colleagues, supervisors, clients, or teachers, who can offer a more impartial perspective on your qualifications and work experience.
However, there are instances where using a family member as a reference may be unavoidable or even advantageous. If you have worked in a family-owned business for an extended period, listing your relative as a reference may be appropriate. In such cases, the longevity of your employment and the professional nature of the relationship can mitigate concerns about potential bias. For example, if you have worked for your father's building company for several summers, as mentioned in one source, or spent 20 years working in a family business, as described in another source, listing your father as a reference can showcase your work ethic and commitment.
Additionally, it is worth noting that some jobs may specifically request personal references, in which case using a family member could be more acceptable. However, even in such cases, it is generally advisable to disclose the familial relationship to maintain transparency. While some sources suggest that longer periods of employment in a family business can make a reference from a family member more acceptable, others argue that a shorter duration may result in a more objective reference, as personal ties might not have influenced the working relationship as significantly.
In conclusion, while using a family member as a reference is generally not recommended due to potential bias and concerns about objectivity, there may be situations where it is unavoidable or even beneficial. If you have worked in a family business, especially for an extended period, listing a family member as a reference can be justified. However, transparency about the relationship is crucial. Prioritising references from non-family members is generally the best approach, but if you must include a family member, consider the context and duration of your employment to ensure you present yourself in the best light to potential employers.
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When it's okay to use a family member
Using a family member as a reference on your resume is generally not recommended. However, there are certain situations where it can be acceptable, or even advantageous, to do so.
Firstly, if the family member is also a former colleague, they can provide valuable insights into your work ethic, skills, and capabilities. For example, if you worked for your brother-in-law's company, he can attest to your effectiveness as an employee, having witnessed your performance first-hand. In such cases, it is essential to be upfront about the relationship to avoid appearing dishonest.
Secondly, family members who are academics or teachers can be excellent references, especially if they have taught or mentored you directly. They can speak to your academic growth, skills, and work ethic in an educational context, which can be highly relevant for certain job applications.
Additionally, if the job requires "personal" references instead of professional ones, it may be more appropriate to include family members. In these cases, a close family member can speak to your character, personal integrity, and strengths, which can be valuable information for employers.
Lastly, it is worth noting that some cultures and countries place a higher value on family connections and may even expect applicants to provide family references. In such contexts, not including a family member could be seen as unusual or suspicious.
In conclusion, while it is generally advisable to avoid using family members as references, there are exceptions to this rule. If you have worked with the family member, they are academics who have taught you, the reference request is personal rather than professional, or cultural norms expect family references, then including a family member on your resume can be acceptable and beneficial.
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What to do if you have no other references
It is not recommended to include family members as references on your resume, as they may not be seen as authoritative sources and may not be familiar with your academic and professional experience. However, if you have no other choice, it is important to ask for their permission before listing them as a reference.
If you have no other references for a job application, there are several alternatives to consider:
- Reach out to former colleagues or managers, regardless of their current employment, as they can speak about your work ethic and abilities.
- Contact academic references such as teachers or professors, especially if you are applying for entry-level positions or are a recent graduate.
- Consider using personal contacts or peers who can provide a character reference, such as a close friend or classmate. While they may not be seen as authoritative, they can speak to your personal qualities and growth.
- If you have recently moved to a new location or country, use former managers or colleagues from your previous location who can communicate in the same language as the potential employer.
- Gain some references by volunteering, taking on a part-time or temporary job, or even a short-term leadership role in a community group.
Remember, it is important to ask for permission from your references and provide them with details about the job you are applying for so that they can give a more tailored and positive reference.
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How to ask someone to be your reference
While it is not recommended to use family members as references on your resume, there are some exceptions. If you have worked for your brother-in-law, you may consider asking him to be your reference, but only if he can keep it professional.
Now, here is a guide on how to ask someone to be your reference:
First, choose the right people. The best references are those who have worked with you directly and can speak to your skills, attitude, work ethic, and reliability. They should be able to give specific, honest insights into your abilities and speak highly of your accomplishments, work ethic, character, and qualifications. Consider former managers, supervisors, colleagues, teachers, coaches, or clients—people who know your work and will genuinely recommend you. Avoid those who might ghost your future employer or pretend to be someone else.
Second, reach out early in the job application process. Notify your referees in advance and give them a heads-up when interviews are getting close. Let them know they might hear from a few employers and share details about the job, your relevant skills, and the work you did together. If it's been a while since you've been in touch, reconnect by providing your resume and reminding them of your shared past work.
Third, ask respectfully and clearly, giving them an easy out if they're not comfortable. You can use language like, "Would you feel comfortable being a reference for me? I understand your time is valuable, so don't hesitate to let me know if this isn't a good time." If they agree, send them your updated resume and details about the position.
Finally, always follow up with a thank-you message. It's a good idea to rotate your references if you're asking multiple times so no one gets overwhelmed.
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What references are used for
References are an important part of the job application process. They are people in your professional or personal network who can vouch for your previous roles, responsibilities, and character. When a recruiter or hiring manager needs to check references, they will request a list of people who can speak to your best qualities, skills, and qualifications.
The number of references you list depends on your career level. If you are entering the job market for the first time, you may only need to list three references. However, if you are applying for a senior role, you may want to consider a longer reference list with contacts from different points in your professional history. It is beneficial to include a variety of references from various organizations, such as colleagues, direct reports, direct supervisors, and senior leaders.
When selecting your references, choose people who can speak to your talents and skills, especially those specific to the job you are applying for. It is also important to consider whether your reference will be comfortable providing a positive reference for you. While family members can be used as a character reference if you have no other options, it is generally not recommended as it is not a good look.
Instead, your best references will be people who enjoyed working with you and are excited to discuss your talents. It is also important to ask your contacts for permission to be a reference and give them plenty of notice so they can prepare and recall specific examples that highlight why you are the best candidate for the role.
When providing your reference list, it is standard practice to create a separate list from your resume and submit it as a PDF or Word document. You can include one or two sentences to provide context for your professional relationship with each reference.
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Frequently asked questions
Yes, you can use a brother-in-law on your resume. However, it is generally advised against using family members as references. If you have worked with your brother-in-law, they can be a great reference, as they have seen your work ethic firsthand.
Family members may be biased and not provide an accurate picture of your work ethic, skills, and capabilities. They may only say nice things and not provide much useful information to potential employers.
Employers want to gain a thorough understanding of who you are as a potential employee. They will ask about your work performance, strengths, weaknesses, work style, professional ethics, values, character, personal integrity, and how you interact with colleagues and superiors.
Send your chosen reference your resume and the job description. Give them time to review and decide if they want to be your reference. If they agree, confirm their preferred and up-to-date contact information.
