Cameron Miranda
Indian in-laws can be challenging, especially for those from other cultures. While it's important to be respectful of cultural differences, it's also crucial to set boundaries and maintain your sanity. Basic hospitality and kindness go a long way, but ultimately, the onus of a happy relationship lies with both parties. Indian families can be highly patriarchal, with daughters-in-law often bearing the brunt of this dynamic. However, by being tactful, respectful, and assertive, you can navigate these relationships while preserving your own happiness and empowerment.
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What You'll Learn
Respect the culture and be nice
Respect is a cornerstone of Indian culture, and it is important to show respect to elders, especially if you are younger than them. This can include touching the feet of an elder or a statue of a deity to show utmost respect. It is also respectful to avoid sitting higher than an elder—if they are seated on the floor, you should also sit on the floor.
In addition to respecting elders, it is important to respect Indian culture more broadly. For example, when visiting a temple or someone's home, it is customary to remove your shoes. It is also respectful to dress modestly and avoid revealing clothing, especially as a woman. This can help you avoid "Eve-teasing," an Indian euphemism for sexual harassment. It is also respectful to refrain from public displays of affection, as these are generally discouraged in Indian culture.
Another way to show respect for Indian culture is to learn about and observe the diverse traditions and practices that exist within it. Given the different social norms among regions, linguistic groups, and religions, each community has its own understanding of what constitutes respectful behavior. If you are unsure about the correct etiquette in a particular situation, don't hesitate to ask or observe those around you for guidance. For example, you may notice that Indians have a relaxed approach to timekeeping and punctuality in informal contexts, but they generally observe punctuality in formal contexts such as business meetings or appointments.
Finally, showing respect can also mean being open-minded and accepting of cultural differences. This includes being tactful and respectful of yourself and others, celebrating differences across cultures, and prioritizing happiness and peace of mind over mindless arguing. Ultimately, as long as you are respectful and nice to your Indian in-laws, that is all that matters.
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Be respectful, polite, and hospitable
Being respectful, polite, and hospitable are key aspects of making a good impression on your Indian in-laws. Here are some ways to achieve that:
Respectful
Elders are highly respected in Indian culture, so it is important to show respect to your in-laws and address them formally. This can be done through simple gestures like offering to help with chores or serving them food and drinks. Additionally, learning about their culture and traditions is a great way to show respect. You can also ask your partner about their parents' likes and dislikes, and any cultural norms or expectations they may have. For example, some Indian families may have specific dietary restrictions or religious practices that you should be aware of and respect.
Polite
Politeness goes a long way in any cultural setting. Basic manners, such as saying "please" and "thank you," are universally appreciated. Being polite also means being mindful of your tone and body language. Avoid being overly opinionated or argumentative, especially on topics that may be sensitive or controversial. Instead, try to maintain a pleasant and respectful demeanor, even if you disagree with their views.
Hospitable
Hospitality is an important aspect of Indian culture, and it is common for guests to be treated with warmth and generosity. When hosting your in-laws, ensure their comfort by preparing their favorite Indian dishes or snacks. It is also a thoughtful gesture to bring small gifts when visiting them, such as loose-leaf tea, sweets, or a scarf. These gifts need not be expensive, as it is the thought that counts. Creating a warm and welcoming atmosphere will make your in-laws feel valued and respected.
Remember, while it is important to be respectful, polite, and hospitable, it is also crucial to stay true to yourself and maintain healthy boundaries. Do not feel that you need to compromise your own values or beliefs to please your in-laws. Open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to learn about each other's cultures are key to building a positive relationship.
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Be the bigger person and celebrate differences
Indian families are often bound by regressive patriarchal rules that place the daughter-in-law at the lowest rung of the hierarchy. The daughter-in-law is expected to show deference to her husband, to all senior in-laws, and to all daughters of the household. In such a scenario, it can be challenging to keep your Indian in-laws happy. However, one effective approach is to "be the bigger person and celebrate differences".
Firstly, it is crucial to understand and respect cultural differences. Indian culture differs significantly from Western culture, and what may be considered normal in one culture could be deemed disrespectful in another. For instance, Indian culture values modesty and decorum, especially for women, and public displays of affection are generally frowned upon. Understanding these cultural nuances can help you navigate your interactions with your in-laws more effectively.
Secondly, embrace the opportunity to learn about a different culture. Be curious and humble, and try to explore their viewpoints and traditions. For example, if you are visiting India, be open to experiencing the country through their guidance, as they can provide valuable local expertise. This not only deepens your relationship with your in-laws but also enriches your understanding of Indian culture.
Thirdly, educate yourself about the dynamics of living in a minority culture. Learn about code-switching, microaggressions, and their cumulative impact. If you want your family to reflect both your cultures, commit to overcompensating for the majority culture. For example, if you want your children to celebrate their Indian heritage, actively teach them about Indian culture and traditions, as they may not pick it up organically if they are primarily exposed to a different culture.
Lastly, remember that you cannot control others' opinions of you. As long as you are respectful, considerate, and open-minded, you are doing your part in fostering a positive relationship. If your in-laws are reasonable people who genuinely care for their child, they will surely accept and respect you. However, if they are resistant or hostile, it is not your responsibility to force a relationship. Prioritize your happiness and well-being, and maintain healthy boundaries to ensure a peaceful coexistence.
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Be confident and big up your achievements
While it's important to be yourself and not lose your sanity trying to please your in-laws, there are a few things you can do to impress your Indian in-laws, especially when it comes to being confident and bigging up your achievements. Here are some tips:
Firstly, it's important to remember that Indian families tend to be quite traditional and patriarchal, with a focus on respecting elders. Basic kind gestures, such as being polite and respectful, can go a long way. Address them with respect and honour, using terms like "aunty" or "uncle". Being hospitable and serving food or tea is also a great way to show respect and make them feel welcomed.
Now, when it comes to bigging up your achievements, it's time to let go of any modesty and really highlight your accomplishments. Talk about your education, career, and prospects. Exaggerate if you must! Indian parents often care about their child's partner being well-educated and having a good career. So, whether you're a scientist, a painter, or a dancer, own your profession and showcase your passion. If you're a woman, don't be afraid to showcase your artistic talents, like singing, dancing, or painting. Indian families often appreciate these skills and will be impressed by your confidence in displaying them.
Additionally, if you're a woman, showcasing your culinary skills, especially with Indian cuisine, can be a great way to impress your in-laws. Offer to cook their favourite meals and take an interest in learning traditional recipes. This can be a wonderful way to bond with your mother-in-law and show that you're willing to embrace their culture.
Remember, while it's important to showcase your achievements, it's also about fitting into their idea of a well-established, successful individual. So, be confident, but also respectful and humble. Show that you value family, education, and hard work, and they're sure to be impressed.
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Dress conservatively and avoid public displays of affection
Indian culture tends to be conservative, and it is important to cover up when visiting the country. This means avoiding revealing clothes and keeping your shoulders, legs, knees, midriff, and cleavage covered. Loose clothes are a good choice as they will help you stay comfortable in the tropical heat and prevent unwanted attention. Foreign women who wear Indian clothes are warmly welcomed by locals as it shows respect for their culture.
When it comes to public displays of affection (PDA), Indian culture tends to be more conservative and reserved. While same-sex physical contact is allowed and accepted, opposite-sex PDA may be regarded as socially unacceptable if it disturbs or causes nuisance to others. This is especially true if there are children present. While the Supreme Court of India has stated that kissing or hugging between adults in public is legal, there have been instances of moral policing and physical attacks on couples displaying affection in public. Therefore, it is generally advisable to avoid PDA when trying to make a good impression on Indian in-laws.
It is worth noting that dressing conservatively and avoiding PDA are not the only factors that contribute to a positive relationship with Indian in-laws. Respecting the culture, being polite and respectful towards elders, showing an interest in Indian food and language, and demonstrating your positive upbringing are also important considerations. Additionally, standing your ground and setting boundaries are crucial, as Indian families can be patriarchal and place a lot of importance on respecting elders.
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Frequently asked questions
It is important to remember that you do not need anyone's approval. However, if you want to make a good impression, show respect for their culture and be nice. Dress conservatively, avoid public displays of affection, and learn to cook Indian food.
Indian families tend to be patriarchal, with the daughter-in-law often placed at the bottom. It is common for Indian in-laws to be overbearing and controlling, and they may not understand that their son has a life of his own after marriage. They may also be judgmental and expect their daughter-in-law to be a perfect \"supermachine\" who keeps everyone happy.
Stand your ground and set boundaries. Do not lose your sanity trying to please them, and remember that you cannot control their behaviour. Be respectful, celebrate cultural differences, and try to keep the lines of communication open. If you are being harassed or abused, report it to a trusted person.
Indian in-laws often expect their daughter-in-law to be well-educated, come from a good family background, be a good cook, and be artistic. They may also expect her to be subservient and obedient, fulfilling a traditional housewife role.
