Gavin Howe
Stalking is a serious issue and can be a criminal offence. If you are being stalked by your brother-in-law, it is important to take steps to ensure your safety. Here are some possible actions you could take: inform the local police, alert your workplace, carry protection such as bear mace, and encourage your brother-in-law's ex-partner to take safety precautions and file a restraining order.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Stalking type | Online, physical |
| Stalking by | Estranged brother, brother-in-law |
| Actions to take | File an official complaint with the police, get bear mace, inform your boss, talk to a lawyer, set boundaries, stop catering to them, suggest meeting elsewhere |
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What You'll Learn
Inform the police and file an official complaint
If you are being stalked by your brother-in-law, it is important to take action and seek help. One option is to inform the police and file an official complaint. Here are some detailed steps to guide you through this process:
Document the Evidence
Before approaching the police, it is crucial to gather and document any evidence that supports your claims. This evidence can strengthen your case and help the authorities understand the severity of the situation. Evidence can include threatening messages, emails, letters, or any other form of communication from your brother-in-law that indicates stalking behaviour. Additionally, keep a record of any incidents, including dates, times, locations, and a detailed description of what occurred.
Identify the Relevant Laws
Familiarize yourself with the laws pertaining to stalking in your jurisdiction. Understanding the legal definitions and requirements for stalking can help you present your case more effectively to the police. Knowing your rights and the legal protections available to you is essential.
Contact the Police
Reach out to your local police department and inform them of the situation. You can do this by calling their non-emergency number or visiting the police station directly. When speaking to the police, provide a detailed account of the stalking behaviour, including any evidence you have gathered. Be clear and concise in your explanation, outlining specific incidents and how they have impacted your life.
File an Official Complaint
After informing the police, request to file an official complaint. This process may vary depending on your location, but it typically involves providing a written statement and supporting evidence. Follow the guidance provided by the police to ensure your complaint is filed correctly and promptly.
Seek Support
Filing a police complaint can be emotionally challenging, so it is important to seek support throughout the process. Consider contacting victim support services or speaking to a trusted friend or family member. They can provide you with emotional assistance and help you navigate any legal complexities.
Follow-up with the Police
Stay in regular contact with the police to receive updates on your case. Inquire about the progress of the investigation and provide any additional information or evidence that may be relevant. Building a strong relationship with the investigating officers can help ensure that your case is given the attention and priority it deserves.
Taking legal action against a family member can be difficult, but it is important to prioritize your safety and well-being. By informing the police and filing an official complaint, you are taking a courageous step towards putting an end to the stalking behaviour and seeking justice.
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Encourage the ex-partner to take safety precautions
If your ex-brother-in-law is stalking you, it is important to encourage your ex-partner to take safety precautions. Here are some ways to do that:
- Vary their routine: Encourage your ex-partner to change their daily routine. This could include using a different bank or grocery store, taking a different route to work or school, and spending more time in public spaces like parks or cafes instead of staying at home.
- Secure their residence: Help your ex-partner make their home more secure. Suggest installing bells and chimes at entrances and exits, getting a dog that barks, or even moving to a new residence if possible.
- Inform their network: Encourage your ex-partner to inform their friends, family, and employers about the situation. This way, they can help watch out for your ex-partner's safety and provide emotional support.
- Block and report: Assist your ex-partner in blocking and reporting your brother-in-law's phone numbers, email addresses, and social media accounts. They can also contact their email provider to block specific email addresses.
- Change contact information: Suggest that your ex-partner change their phone number and email address. They can also create custom contact information for daily use to protect their primary contact information.
- Update internet security: Help your ex-partner update internet security on all their electronic devices. They should also check for spyware and, if detected, buy a new device.
- Contact the police: Encourage your ex-partner to contact the police and take legal action if they feel unsafe. They can escalate the issue within the police department or reach out to specialized units dealing with stalking, domestic violence, or cybercrimes.
- Seek support: Encourage your ex-partner to seek support from anti-stalking organizations like the National Domestic Violence Hotline or the Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC). These organizations can provide valuable resources and advice on handling stalking situations.
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Inform the ex-partner to file a restraining order
If you are being stalked by your brother-in-law, you can inform your ex-partner to file a restraining order against him. Here are the steps your ex-partner can take:
Firstly, it is important to understand the eligibility for a restraining order. In this case, since the stalker is a brother-in-law, your ex-partner must be living with you for you to be eligible for a restraining order against him. This is classified as a domestic violence protective order.
If the eligibility criteria are met, your ex-partner can proceed to file for a restraining order. They can do this by going to their local district or superior court and requesting the clerk for the petition form for a domestic violence protective order. Once they have filled out the necessary forms, they will be given an appointment to see a judge.
At the hearing, your ex-partner must present their case and convince the judge that the brother-in-law's activities warrant a restraining order. If the judge agrees, the order will be granted, and it will be served to the brother-in-law. The order must be served for it to take effect.
After the order has been served, there will be another hearing within a few weeks where the brother-in-law can present their case and try to get the order dropped. It is important to attend this hearing to ensure that the restraining order remains in place.
It is crucial to note that the process may vary slightly depending on the local laws and regulations. Additionally, your ex-partner may seek legal advice or assistance from a lawyer to guide them through the process and ensure their rights are protected.
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Talk to a lawyer
If you are being stalked, it is important to know your legal options and how to best protect your rights. Meeting with a lawyer can help you understand these options and the best way forward for your specific situation.
Stalking is a crime, and under most state laws, it is defined as repeated harassment or threatening behaviour toward an individual, causing them fear or making them feel unsafe. If you are concerned that stalking could result in physical or sexual assault, it is crucial to contact the relevant authorities, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline or the National Center for Victims of Crime, to make a safety plan. They can also refer you to a domestic violence shelter if needed.
Before meeting with a lawyer, it is helpful to gather evidence of the stalking behaviour. Keep a log of the date, time, location, and details of any threatening interactions or events. Take screenshots of social media posts, and record or save emails, voicemail messages, text messages, or letters. This evidence will be crucial in building a case and making it easier for prosecutors to bring criminal charges against the stalker.
While you do not need a lawyer to file for a protection or restraining order, having legal representation is important to ensure your rights are protected, especially if the stalker has legal representation. A lawyer can guide you through the process, help you file the necessary paperwork, and represent you in court if needed. They can also advise you on any specific state laws or requirements related to stalking and protective orders.
If you are unable to afford a lawyer, there are resources available to help you find legal assistance. Organisations like SPARC (Stalking Awareness & Prevention) recommend connecting with local victim service providers who can help you plan for your safety, discuss legal options, and connect you with additional services.
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Ask the brother-in-law's mother to intervene
If you are being stalked by your brother-in-law, the responsibility to address the issue falls on your spouse—the brother of the person stalking you. They should be the one to enforce boundaries with their family and hold their brother accountable for his actions.
However, if your spouse is unwilling to address the issue, you may need to involve other family members, such as your brother-in-law's mother. Here are some steps you can take when asking your brother-in-law's mother to intervene:
Communicate Your Concerns
Have a private conversation with your brother-in-law's mother and express your concerns about her son's behaviour. Explain how his actions are impacting your life and why you consider it stalking. Provide specific examples of his behaviour to help her understand the severity of the situation.
Appeal to Her Role as a Mother
As a mother, she may have a unique ability to influence her son's behaviour. Emphasize the negative impact his actions are having on your well-being and appeal to her maternal instincts to intervene for the sake of her son's future.
Suggest Constructive Solutions
When asking for her help, it's important to also suggest constructive solutions or boundaries that can be implemented. For example, you could suggest that your brother-in-law seeks professional help or counselling to address the underlying issues behind his behaviour. You could also propose specific boundaries, such as limiting contact or arranging supervised visits.
Offer a United Front
If possible, approach the mother together with your spouse. This demonstrates a united front and shows that both of you are affected by your brother-in-law's actions. It also reinforces the idea that your spouse is involved and supportive of finding a resolution.
Provide Evidence
If there is any tangible evidence of the stalking behaviour, such as messages, letters, or recordings, consider sharing this with your brother-in-law's mother. This may help her understand the seriousness of the situation and could prompt her to take more decisive action.
Remember that your safety is paramount. If you feel that your physical or emotional well-being is at risk, do not hesitate to involve the appropriate authorities or seek legal advice. Additionally, consider reaching out to local victim service providers or support groups for guidance and emotional support throughout this process.
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Frequently asked questions
If your brother-in-law is stalking you on social media, you can try hiding your posts from him or blocking him altogether. If he is belittling you, ignoring him might also be an option as he will likely get bored and stop.
It is your partner's responsibility to handle their family. If they are unwilling to do so, you may want to hold off on getting married until they can enforce boundaries with their family. In the meantime, you can answer the door and tell them that it is not a good time, and that they should call ahead next time.
You should file an official complaint with the local police. That way, if he does show up and confront you, it will be on record that you felt threatened before the incident. You should also give your boss a heads-up about the situation.
You don't need to cater to your partner's brothers. You can let your partner answer the door and entertain them. You can also suggest a monthly meal at your house instead of accommodating unannounced visits.
