Custom And Law: A Man's Right To His Wife's Surname

While it is uncommon for a man to take his wife's last name, it is certainly legal for him to do so. In the UK, the Deed Poll Office, which is the government body that administers name changes, treats married men the same as married women when changing their names. In the US, less than half of the states allow men to use a marriage certificate to take his wife's last name without an additional court order. In some states, a man changing his last name to his wife's can pose professional and cultural repercussions. However, a 2017 study by the London Mint revealed that more than 1 in 10 men are now taking their wife's surname when they get married.

It is legal for a man to take his wife's last name

Taking a wife's last name may be a little more difficult than the other way around, but it is certainly legal and possible wherever you live. Heterosexual men who take their wives' surnames may face professional and cultural repercussions, as well as the stigma of appearing weak. However, if more heterosexual men take their wives' surnames, the stigma will dissipate. Same-sex couples may also find it easier to streamline procedures if more heterosexual men take their wives' surnames, as the conventions of marriage do not always apply to them.

There are many reasons why a man might take his wife's last name. The woman may want to retain her name for professional or personal reasons, and her husband may wish to share the same surname. The woman's family name may be at risk of dying out if it is not passed on to the couple's children, while the man's name has already been continued by other family members. If the woman has a child from a previous relationship, it might be easier for the new stepfather to adopt that name so that the whole family shares the same surname without needing to change the child's name. The couple may also simply prefer the sound of the woman's surname.

After taking his wife's last name, the man will need to contact several agencies to update his records. These include the Social Security Administration, the DMV, and the passport office.

A court order may be required

The process of a man adopting his wife's surname varies depending on the country and jurisdiction within a country. In some places, a court order may be required for a man to legally take his wife's last name.

In the United States, the specific laws and requirements differ from state to state. While all states allow a woman to change her last name to her husband's through a marriage certificate, less than half of the states permit men to do the same without a court order. As of 2019, nine states—California, New York, Hawaii, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Oregon, Iowa, Georgia, and North Dakota—have laws explicitly allowing a man to change his name upon marriage.

To initiate the name change process, individuals may need to petition for a legal name change, and each state and local court may have its own specific forms and filing fees for this procedure. The fees can range from $20 to over $400, and individuals may be able to file for a waiver if they meet certain income criteria or receive public benefits. The court may inquire about the reasons for the name change and whether the previous name is associated with any debt or criminal liability.

After obtaining a court order for the name change, individuals must notify various agencies and organizations. They should start by obtaining a new Social Security Card with their updated name, as this is necessary for obtaining most other forms of identification. Depending on the state, the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) may need to be informed within a month of the legal name change. Additionally, a new passport with the updated name will be required for identification purposes for employers, banks, schools, post offices, and utility companies.

Publication in a newspaper may be required

While it is certainly legal for a man to take his wife's last name, the process can be more difficult than the other way around. The specific process and requirements vary by country and jurisdiction within a country. In the US, for instance, only about half of the states allow men to use a marriage certificate to take their wife's last name without a court order.

In some states, a court order and newspaper publication are required for a legal name change. The publication must be in a court-approved newspaper, and it must include specific information, such as your current legal name, the new name you are requesting, the court where the petition has been filed, and the case number and hearing date, if applicable. The notice must typically run for a set number of weeks, often ranging from three to four, depending on the state's requirements. The purpose of this step is to notify the public of your name change and allow anyone with objections to come forward before it is finalized.

Some reasons for requiring a public notice include preventing fraud, allowing creditors or others with a legitimate interest in your name change to be aware of it, and complying with state laws that ensure transparency in legal proceedings. However, there are also concerns that publishing a name change in a newspaper can be a way to out the person to the community, add a financial burden, and make it easier for transphobes to find a person's dead name. In some cases, such as for victims of abuse or those enrolled in an address confidentiality program, the court may waive the publication requirement or allow for a legal-only news bulletin that is primarily read by lawyers.

It is uncommon for a man to take his wife's last name

From a legal perspective, taking your wife's last name as a man may be slightly more challenging than the traditional practice of a wife adopting her husband's surname. While it is legal for a man to assume his wife's last name, the specific process and requirements can vary across different countries and jurisdictions. In some cases, additional forms, court orders, or steps may be necessary to effectuate the name change officially.

Cultural norms and expectations play a significant role in the rarity of men adopting their wife's surname. Historically, it has been expected that a bride would become an extension of her husband's lineage by taking his last name. This tradition is deeply rooted in patriarchal values, particularly in societies like the United States, where heterosexual norms are prevalent. As a result, men who choose to take their wife's last name may face social perceptions of "weakness" or challenges to their masculinity. They may also encounter strained relationships with their families, as changing their surname can be seen as relinquishing ties to their clan or lineage.

Personal reasons also come into play. Some men feel a stronger connection to their original surname, especially if they have established professional careers or strong family associations with their birth name. Additionally, practical considerations, such as the time and effort involved in legally changing one's name and updating various forms of identification, may deter some men from undergoing the process.

However, there are instances where men have chosen to take their wife's last name. This decision can be influenced by a desire for egalitarianism in their marriage, a lack of attachment to their original surname, or simply because they prefer their wife's surname. In some cases, men have combined their surname with their wife's, creating a new last name that incorporates both partners' identities. Ultimately, the decision to change one's last name is deeply personal, and couples should feel empowered to choose the option that best suits their relationship and values.

It is more common for queer couples to take each other's last names

In most countries, it is legal for a man to take his wife's last name when they get married. However, it is less common for this to happen, with only around 14% of women keeping their last names in 2024, and it is still the norm for a wife to take her husband's last name. In the United States, only 17 states allow a man to take his wife's last name without a court order.

When it comes to queer couples, there are no hetero norms or outdated legal practices to hold them back, and they are more likely to take each other's last names. They have the same options as opposite-sex couples: keeping their original last names, having one partner take the other's name, hyphenating, or choosing a new name together. Queer couples are forced to have intentional conversations about values, identity, and family before choosing how to approach the last name issue. These conversations may not be had by heterosexual couples, as it is often expected that the wife will take the husband's last name.

Some queer couples decide to take on each other's last name when they marry, either by hyphenating or choosing one person's name over the other's. For example, Katie and Kelsey Lawrence-Jones chose to hyphenate their last names, while Courtney and Liz took on the shared last name of Vondran. For some, sharing a last name is a way of adapting a longstanding tradition in a progressive way, and it can also be a way of legitimizing their relationship and their parental status. It can also be a way of cutting ties with a family, as in the case of one man who changed his last name to his wife's (ex-husband's) last name.

Other queer couples decide to create a new last name altogether, either by combining their surnames or choosing a new name that they both like. For example, Smith and Wood became Smithwood, and one couple chose the last name Sunrise. Some couples also choose to incorporate a mother's maiden name, as a way of joining both parents' names.

Ultimately, the decision to change one's last name is deeply personal, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

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