Understanding Niddah Laws: Pre-Marital Application And Implications

The laws of niddah, or family purity, are a set of Jewish laws that forbid sexual relations while a woman is menstruating and until she immerses in a mikveh, or Jewish ritual bath. These laws apply to married Jewish women and are intended to preserve men from ritual pollution that would follow from any contact with their ritually impure wives.

A woman is considered a niddah from the time she gets her period until she has counted seven clean days and immersed in a mikveh. According to Jewish law, a woman becomes a niddah if she is experiencing the full flow of her period or sees red blood, unless there is a good reason to believe that the bleeding is not uterine in origin.

The laws of niddah also apply to single women, who are considered niddah from the time they first menstruate until their wedding night when they immerse in a mikveh.

Therefore, the laws of niddah do apply before marriage, and unmarried couples are expected to refrain from physical contact during a woman's period.

Physical contact before marriage

According to Jewish law, or halacha, a woman is considered niddah from the time she gets her period until she has counted seven clean days and immersed in a mikveh, a Jewish ritual bath. This means that affectionate physical contact with a man is prohibited at all times, no matter where she is in her cycle.

The laws of niddah are typically followed by strict Orthodox Jews, with varying levels of observance. Some Orthodox Jews follow the laws with strict modesty and take measures to avoid accidental contact, such as avoiding sitting next to a member of the opposite sex on public transport. Others are more lenient, only avoiding purposeful contact.

Adherents of Conservative and Reform Judaism do not follow these laws. Many Jews with Orthodox beliefs believe that there is extensive room for leniency and that strict adherence to these rules stunts development and prevents social success, ultimately undermining well-being.

The concept of negiah in halacha forbids or restricts sensual physical contact with a member of the opposite sex except for one's spouse, outside the niddah period, and certain close relatives to whom one is presumed not to have sexual attraction.

The laws of negiah are derived from two verses in Leviticus:

> "Any man shall not approach (לקרב lekarev) his close relative to uncover nakedness; I am God" (18:6), and: "You shall not approach a woman in her time of unclean separation, to uncover her nakedness" (18:19).

The first verse refers to incest, and the second to sexual relations with a woman who is in niddah status due to menstruation. Although the verses are written in the masculine form, women are equally bound by these commandments.

The Sifra notes that these verses prohibit a man from "approaching... to uncover nakedness", implying a separate prohibition of "approaching" even without sexual intercourse. Based on this, some Rishonim view these verses as also prohibiting sexual touch (such as hugging and kissing) that falls short of intercourse.

Maimonides and the Shulchan Aruch formulate this prohibition as "hugging, kissing, or enjoying close physical contact". They do not indicate that mere touching is forbidden.

However, some authorities, such as Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, interpret the concept of negiah as prohibiting close contact with forbidden women, including all females above the age of 11 who are presumed to have begun menstruation. Feinstein prohibits acts such as hugging, kissing, and holding hands.

According to halacha, there are two separate laws underlying the concept of negiah: the prohibition against close contact with forbidden women, and the law of hirhur, which prohibits causing oneself to have inappropriate sexual thoughts.

Like most laws, these prohibitions are waived to save a person who is in life-threatening danger, for example, for a man to save a woman from drowning. In such cases, the prohibitions are waived even if the male rescuer is certain that he will experience improper thoughts (hirhur).

Additionally, medical practitioners and other professionals such as hairdressers may touch members of the opposite sex in the course of their professional practice.

The laws of niddah also apply to unmarried couples. According to halacha, a single woman is niddah not only when she is menstruating but from the first time she menstruates until the eve of her wedding when she immerses in a mikveh. Since she is continuously niddah, affectionate physical contact with a man is prohibited at all times, no matter where she is in her cycle.

There is a further, independent prohibition against intimate relations between a man and a woman who are not married to each other, whether or not she is niddah.

This means that unmarried couples who are observing the laws of niddah must refrain from affectionate physical contact, including kissing and cuddling, during the woman's period and for seven days after it ends.

Challenges and Impact

Observing the laws of niddah before marriage can be challenging, especially for couples who are not used to refraining from physical contact. It requires willpower, patience, mutual support, and good communication.

In some Orthodox communities, there is stigma and shame surrounding premarital physical intimacy, which can make it difficult for individuals to seek guidance from religious authorities, teachers, or parents. This can lead to a culture of secrecy and guilt, as well as a lack of education about sex, consent, and healthy relationships.

Alternative Perspectives

It is important to note that not all Orthodox Jews interpret the laws of niddah and negiah in the same way. Some authorities, such as R' Yehudah Henkin, ruled that only sexual contact is forbidden, at least according to Biblical law.

Additionally, the interpretation of what constitutes "affectionate" or "sensual" contact may vary. For example, some sources suggest that reading a book together is permitted, as long as the couple is careful not to touch each other.

Furthermore, the laws of negiah do not prohibit touching certain close relatives, such as children, siblings, and parents, as one is expected not to have sexual attraction towards them.

While the laws of niddah and negiah prohibit affectionate physical contact before marriage, the interpretation and observance of these laws vary within the Orthodox Jewish community. It is important for individuals to seek guidance from religious authorities and make informed decisions that align with their values and beliefs.

Abstaining from marital relations

The laws of niddah apply to married Jewish women and forbid sexual relations while a woman is menstruating. This period of abstinence is known as niddah and lasts for seven days, starting from the first day of a woman's period. During this time, physical contact between spouses is prohibited, and couples are expected to sleep in separate beds.

The laws of niddah are based on the biblical passages in Leviticus, which state that a woman is ritually impure during her menstrual period and that sexual intercourse with a menstruating woman is forbidden. According to Jewish law, a woman is considered a niddah from the time she gets her period until she has completed the niddah period and immersed herself in a mikveh, or ritual bath.

The niddah period is a time of separation, both physically and spiritually. It is meant to be a time for couples to focus on non-physical ways of expressing their love and to deepen their emotional connection. This practice is also known as taharat mishpacha, or "family purity," and is intended to bring about a greater sense of holiness and purity in the marriage.

In addition to abstaining from sexual relations, there are other restrictions that couples must follow during the niddah period. These include avoiding passing objects directly to each other, seeing each other undress, or engaging in flirtatious conversation. They must also refrain from touching each other's clothing and are not allowed to share a bed, even if they do not touch each other.

For couples who are new to observing the laws of niddah, it is recommended to take classes or private lessons to learn all the details and requirements. It can be challenging to refrain from physical contact, but many couples find that it leads to a deeper emotional connection and a stronger marriage.

The laws of niddah are considered some of the most fundamental principles of the Halakhic system and are observed by Orthodox Jewish couples to maintain ritual purity and holiness in their marriages.

Ritual uncleanness

The laws of ritual uncleanness are some of the most fundamental principles of the Halakhic system and are among the few remnants of biblical regulations pertaining to ritual impurities that survived in Jewish life following the destruction of the Second Temple. These laws are elucidated in a lengthy and detailed tractate devoted to the subject. The historical development of the relevant halakhot through the centuries is extremely complicated and demands a profound knowledge of the halakhah, experience in various medical matters, and the ability to assume grave responsibility.

The laws of ritual uncleanness state that a woman who is menstruating or experiencing abnormal uterine bleeding is ritually "impure" for seven days from the time the blood first appears. On the eighth day, if she sees no further blood, she is "pure". Anyone who touches her or anything she sits or lies on during the week of her "uncleanness" is "unclean until the evening" and must bathe and wash their clothes. If a man has intercourse with a menstruating woman, he is unclean for seven days, and any bed he lies on is also unclean.

The laws of ritual uncleanness also apply to a woman who has given birth. According to the literal meaning of Leviticus 12:1-8, her discharge of blood is in the same category as menstrual blood, and she is in a state of ritual impurity for seven days if she bears a boy and 14 days if she bears a girl. In addition, a further period of 33 or 66 days is prescribed, during which she is sexually permitted to her husband but may not enter the sanctuary. On the conclusion of this period, she must bring prescribed sacrifices.

The observance of the laws of ritual uncleanness requires a woman to have a detailed knowledge of the stages of her cycle. It is forbidden for a man to have sexual relations with his wife during and for some time before and after her menses. Marital intimacy may only be resumed after the wife has undergone ritual immersion in a mikveh (Jewish ritual bath) at the appropriate time. These strictures of separation and ritual cleansing are intended to preserve men from the ritual pollution that would follow from any contact with their ritually impure wives.

The Mikveh

The Laws of Niddah and the Mikveh

A woman is considered niddah from the time she gets her period until she has counted seven clean days and immersed in a mikveh. A single woman is niddah not only when she actually has her period, but from the first time she menstruates until the eve of her wedding when she immerses in a mikveh.

Preparing for the Mikveh

Before entering the mikveh, Jewish law requires that one thoroughly clean one’s body, typically including taking a bath or shower, clipping nails, and brushing teeth. This ensures that there are no barriers between the person immersing and the mikveh water.

> Barukh ata Adonai Elohenu melekh ha’olam asher kideshanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al ha’tevillah.

> Blessed are You, O Lord, our God, King of the universe, who has sanctified us with Your commandments and commanded us concerning the immersion.

After the Mikveh

After immersion, the attendant usually collects a fee. Typical fees are between $18–36, but can cost more at luxury mikva'ot.

The Niddah's daily life

The laws of Niddah are a set of rules that observant Jewish women follow. The word Niddah is derived from the Hebrew word for "menstrual impurity", and the laws revolve around the idea of ritual purity and impurity. While these laws are primarily observed by married women, they also apply to unmarried women to some extent. Here is a breakdown of how the laws of Niddah might impact a woman's daily life:

Daily Life as a Niddah

A woman becomes a Niddah, or menstruating woman, when she experiences a full flow of her period or sees red blood, and this state of impurity lasts for seven days. During this time, she must refrain from sexual relations and physical contact with her husband. This includes avoiding sharing a bed, passing objects directly, seeing each other undress, or engaging in flirtatious conversation. Some Orthodox couples may even avoid touching each other's clothing or sitting on the same couch or bench, where their movements can be felt.

Daily Activities

The laws of Niddah also impact a woman's daily activities. For example, she must refrain from cooking for her husband, pouring him a drink, or serving him food or wine. She is also prohibited from making his bed in front of him or pouring water for him to wash his face and hands. However, she can still perform other household tasks like setting the table.

Public Life

In public, a Niddah must be cautious not to engage in lighthearted or flirtatious conversations with her husband, as this could lead to physical closeness. They must also be careful not to touch or pass objects directly to each other, even in public settings. Additionally, according to Ashkenazic custom, a Niddah avoids looking at the Sefer Torah when in synagogue.

After Menstruation

After the seven days of being a Niddah, a woman must perform a ritual immersion in a Mikveh, or Jewish ritual bath, to purify herself. This involves a thorough washing and inspection of her body to ensure no part of it is covered. After this ritual, she is no longer considered a Niddah, and sexual relations and physical contact with her husband are encouraged.

It is important to note that these laws are complex and have evolved over time. Different Jewish communities may have varying interpretations and levels of strictness in adhering to these laws.

Frequently asked questions